I Bought a Vampire Motorcycle – 1990 | 101 mins | Horror | Colour

Plot Synopsis

Neil Morrisey is reunited with much of the cast, crew and location of the TV series Boon, in which he shot to fame for this refreshingly effective horror comedy about Satanists, bikers, and a vintage motorbike that becomes vampirised. Shot in Birmingham on a minute budget by a group of Central TV production staff who were moonlighting after meeting Sam Raimi, TV director Dirk Campbell’s feature debut retains a base level of quick-witted humour while pouring on a helping of grungy gore, courtesy of the Image Animation team. The uniformly respectable performances are rather overshadowed by Elphick’s deadpan garlic-crunching Inspector Cleaver.

Noddy (Neil Morrissey), a dumb motorcycle courier who buys a tatty old Norton Commando motorbike, is somewhat bemused by his bikes refusal to be rolled out of the garage until after dark, and has a distinct aversion to garlic in the take-away food on which he exists. When you add to this the fact that it sprouts blades from its wheels, and thrives on blood rather petrol, then you know Noddy’s got problems. The first victim in Noddy’s mate Buzzer (Daniel Peacock), who is found decapitated in his flat, whilst the walls are covered in blood and tread marks.

Garlic-eating Inspector Cleaver (Michael Elphick) is on hand to investigate the grisly goings-on, but Noddy turns to a priest for assistance. He is met first with scepticism, then with steely resolve as the eccentric cleric (Anthony Daniels) tools up for an exorcism and exclaims: “right – let’s go and kick some bottom”.