Roger Moore: I'm the worst Bond, apparently

[DB7]

Roger Moore: I'm the worst Bond, apparently



Last Updated: 12:01am BST 23/09/2008



Sir Roger Moore, now 80, still doesn't take anything seriously - least of all himself, writes Bryony Gordon



Sir Roger Moore would not exactly say that he is looking forward to seeing Quantum of Solace, the new James Bond film.



"Errrr." A long pause. "Hmmmmm." A raise of the most famous eyebrow in the world. "I'm curious to see it. I thought Daniel Craig did a very good job in the last one, having been attacked by all and sundry. Wait until the baby is born before you start criticising it, I say!" He produces the first of many chuckles.



"I'm the worst Bond, according to the internet. Generally hated! I was too funny, too light. Didn't take it seriously enough." He seems quite proud of this.



"Well, I mean, this is a man who is supposed to be a spy. And yet he turns up in bars and hotels around the world, and everyone says, 'Ah, Mr Bond, we've been expecting you.'" Chuckle, chuckle, chuckle. "Everybody knows who he is and what he wants to drink.



"It's the same with the Bond girls. All the new ones say, 'Oh, I'm going to be different from the others', but before long it's always the same - 'Oh, James!'"

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For all his jokiness, Sir Roger has obviously done something right. He is the longest-running Bond to date, beating Sean Connery by one film (unless you count Never Say Never Again, generally not thought of as a real Bond film because it was not made by Eon Productions), and is so iconic that Amy Winehouse refers to him on her latest album: "You tear men down like Roger Moore."

# In pictures: Roger Moore



He hasn't a clue why. "I probably just rhymed with door. Or she couldn't find anything to rhyme with Connery."



He's equally unfazed by comparisons with his Scottish chum's portrayal of the secret agent. "The important thing to me is: 'Did I get the cheque?' I did, and they keep coming. The residuals are quite handsome!" Chuckle, chuckle.



It's easy, when meeting the 80-year-old in Monte Carlo - his home for half the year, alongside Switzerland, partly, he claims, for tax reasons - to conclude that he hasn't taken anything terribly seriously in his entire life.



Especially because he's just written a deliciously self-mocking autobiography, My Word Is My Bond, in which he concludes that he owes most of his success to luck.



The book is not exactly brimming with bitchy stories. As he writes, "This is, after all, a book about me: a suave, modest, sophisticated, talented, modest, debonair, modest and charming individual - of whom there is much to write."



But compared to Connery's recently published wrestlings with the idea of Scottishness, Sir Roger is definitely "ahead on the witty anecdotes", as he puts it.



It is certainly hard to imagine him refusing autographs to fans because they might be sold on, as Sir Sean reportedly does: Sir Roger has an air that is part lounge lizard, part clown.



He hobbles, minderless, into the lobby of the Hôtel de Paris, where the staff immediately rise to greet him. "Ah, Sir Roger, for you the best table."



It is a bit like watching a James Bond film, should Bond become a geriatric - Sir Roger's mind has a tendency to wander off at tangents, and at one point he puts his sweetener in the ashtray instead of his espresso.



He even dresses like Bond, wearing a navy blazer with white trousers, white shirt and white loafers with gold details. Topped off with huge Cartier glasses, it is a quite ridiculous look - and I suspect that is just the way he likes it.



In fact, Sir Roger is so relentlessly silly that spending time with him is an unmitigated pleasure. He pulls faces for the photographer, and tells us that instead of saying "cheese", he prefers the term "witty, titty sex", which he duly utters every time the flash goes off.



Devoid of any self-importance whatsoever, he asks the photographer if he wants him to do angry eyebrows, or seductive ones - in reference to his Spitting Image puppet, whose entire dramatic range was based around its mobile brows.

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His rambling anecdotes are equally delightful, and equally batty. He remembers that when he was in The Saint, the cast were all asked who they would most like to meet, dead or alive.



"I said Mr Walls, of Walls ice cream, so I could ask him why the company had stopped producing these wonderful choc ices with dark chocolate on the outside. I didn't know all the others were saying 'Gandhi' or 'Jesus'."



He has to pause for a moment to stifle his laughter. "As far as I know, they didn't get an extension on life, but I did get sent a big chocolate cake."



Sir Roger - who was knighted in 1999 for his tireless services to Unicef - was born in south London, the son of a policeman.



He tried to write his autobiography many years ago, at the insistence of his friend Michael Caine, "because he had written his and I suppose he thought someone else should suffer too". But then his laptop was stolen and he couldn't be bothered.



He started again after being nagged by his fourth wife, Kristina Tholstrup, and his three children from his third marriage, to Luisa Mattioli, an actress who was best friends with Tholstrup until she took up with Sir Roger.



As he has reduced me to the state of a quivering schoolgirl, I fail to probe him about his multiple marriages, perhaps because I am fantasising about becoming wife number five.



Although the relationships are mentioned in the autobiography, he seems far more interested in another topic: his health.



Sir Roger seems to have been under the weather all his life; most recently he was treated - successfully - for prostate cancer. "I was going to call it Out of the Bedpan," he purrs, rather incongruously.



"As a child I had mumps and the measles. Chickenpox. Tonsils out. I didn't learn the alphabet until I was 11. I was circumcised at eight. Much better than having it done later, like my old friend in the army, Captain Hornby of the Royal Artillery. Afterwards I said to Matron, 'You can't call Hornby "old cock" any more!'"



There are many similar stories, most of them verging on the unprintable.



When he was 10, for example, he had acute appendicitis, which the doctor diagnosed via a rectal examination. "Because it was a training hospital, he invited 30 student doctors to perform the same humanitarian task. They all agreed: acute appendicitis - and by the way, you're a little gay."



Was he traumatised? "Oh no. I thought: 'One day I shall become an actor, and I will write an autobiography, and this will all be great material.'"



It is indeed all grist to the mill - but his insistence that in his career, he has been a lucky amateur (the book carries the self-deprecating subtitle Memoirs of an Aspiring Actor) is belied by his training at Rada.



In the 1950s, he was a male model, before winning a contract at MGM, and though his films were not box-office smashes, they did lead to the role of Simon Templar in The Saint, followed by The Persuaders!, alongside Tony Curtis, and his first Bond excursion, 1973's Live and Let Die.

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He hasn't done much in the way of acting since he hung up his tuxedo in 1985, aged 58. I suggest that is quite old for an action star. He in turn tells me not to be so rude.



"The wonderful thing about age is that your knees don't work as well, you can't run down steps quite as easily and obviously you can't lift heavy weights. But your mind doesn't feel any different. I read the obituary columns and I think: 'Oh goodness, he was only 93!'"



Does he worry about death? "What would be the point? I've not planned my funeral. I'm not the Queen. A procession through the streets of Stockwell would be nice, I suppose. But when I go, I'd just like everyone to say: 'He lived longer than anyone I knew.'?" And off he goes again: chuckle, chuckle, chuckle.

[Marky B]

He was not the worst. I liked our Rog's tenure as Bond,but compared to Daniel Craig,he was a bit lightweight. However,that is his approach to acting and he makes no pretentiousness about his acting skills.

Despite what his ex-wives might think about him,he is a national treasure.

Ta Ta

Marky B

[batman]

Sir Rog has had a career lasting nearly 60 years. You don't manage that by being a talented amateur. Rog has charisma to spare and brings his own stamp to any part he plays. The film going public, in general, love him because you know what you're going to get, a top professional who provides top entertainment .... and I much prefer his Bond films to those of Pierce Brosnan.

[Wicked Lady]

Sir Roger wasn't a bad bond, at all. Much better than Lazenby.



Loved him in The Saint and The Persuaders as well.

[stevie boy]

always seemed a good guy

[christoph404]

That article demonstrates very well what I like about Roger Moore, the man has no airy fairy pretensions whatsoever and his self mocking style is rare in someone so succesfull. Lets face it, he has nothing to prove, and has done it all and so quite rightly feels comfortable looking back on his life in a not too serious or pompous way. My only concern is that I think he puts himself down a little too much, I don't believe for one minute that he is the least popular Bond, he is certainly the most successful so far, and that counts for something. My favorite Roger Moore film is "The Man Who Haunted Himself" he gives a great performance in that film, proving that he can do more than just raise an eyebrow if he wants to and I have a great fondness for the Moore Bond films. Im old enough to remember seeing Connery on the big screen but it was Roge's Bond that I really grew up with, I saw them all at the cinema and they were all enjoyable, lightweight yes and very much of their time but they still hold up as escapist entertainment. So I would disagree with Rogers comment that he is the most hated Bond, he is a super chap and he gets my vote by virtues of his down to earth personality, his outings as Bond and his tireless work for UNICEF.

[stuart.scot]

Having seen Casino Royale I would say Daniel Craig is phyiscally the best Bond, but from an acting point of view, for now at anyrate, all the previous ones are better. That could be because CR was an introductuction to the character of Bond.



I think Roger Moore is a great actor, in the Cary Grant mould (Robert Wagner's an other). He may not be the actor that Connery and Caine are, though I think he made MORE quality films than Michael.



I wish he'd made a sequel to Vendetta For The Saint, 20-yrs after the original was made. Remember bad guy Ian Hendry saying as the Italian army led him away 'One Day Templar That's A Promise'

[dremble wedge]

I think if you're of a certain generation you'll always have a fondness for him as Bond.



After all, no-one wore a safari suit quite like Rog.

[SirOllyBolly]

I'll be buying his memoirs for sure - I bet he tells a good tall tale or too!

[DB7]

Today I'd imagine his Bond films are a bit camp and kitsch, and more action-comedy than the thriller direction the franchise is now heading.



Personally I enjoyed him more in The Saint and the Man Who Haunted Himself (maybe my fave Rog film) than many of his later Bonds. Live and Let Die is a blast tho.

[christoph404]

I like to think of the Moore era of Bond as "Carry on Bond" .I mean that in an affectionate way, they were camp and kitsch with groan inducing double entendres, but they were also great fun, but I would agree, nothing like the hard edged thrillers of Bond's most recent inacarnation.

[jaycad]

i thought the worst bond was timothy dalton! as for roger moores credentials-ask alan partridge!

[Dame Starry]

I have consulted with the inimitable Granny Lovett (my Mother and the World's biggest living Roger Moore fan) about this matter and, I quote, "Somebody is talking out of their bottom!".

(I cleaned that up, by the way.......87-year-old ladies' language is quite 'ripe' at times! )



DS x.

[DB7]

name='jaycad']i thought the worst bond was timothy dalton! as for roger moores credentials-ask alan partridge!

That was repeated t'other night: "The Welsh Bond".

[dremble wedge]

Timothy Dalton was my favourite Bond



I wish he'd done more...

[batman]

name='jaycad']i thought the worst bond was timothy dalton! as for roger moores credentials-ask alan partridge!

I liked Dalton's Bond .... he tried to bring something of the literary Bond to the screen and I feel he was successful. It was a shame he lost out on the opportunity to play the role more often due to the legal wrangling surounding the series at that time.

[Steve Crook]

name='DB7']Today I'd imagine his Bond films are a bit camp and kitsch, and more action-comedy than the thriller direction the franchise is now heading.



Personally I enjoyed him more in The Saint and the Man Who Haunted Himself (maybe my fave Rog film) than many of his later Bonds. Live and Let Die is a blast tho.

The Man Who Haunted Himself was the only time I ever saw Roger do any acting. And very impressive it was too



Steve

[wadsy]

Michael Caine said Roger Moore is a "Toff with a titanium spine!"



He was great as "The Saint" & I thought good as Bond. It was the plotlines that



got silly, (the Jaws character for instance!)



Roger's got charm & charisma to burn!

[Straff]

name='DB7']That was repeated t'other night: "The Welsh Bond".

Colwyn Bay hasn't done too badly for a bland little seaside town : Timothy Dalton and Terry Jones.

[Wicked Lady]

name='Dame Starry']I have consulted with the inimitable Granny Lovett (my Mother and the World's biggest living Roger Moore fan) about this matter and, I quote, "Somebody is talking out of their bottom!".

(I cleaned that up, by the way.......87-year-old ladies' language is quite 'ripe' at times! )



DS x.

She sounds like a woman after my own heart.