 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
|
 |
|
 |
|
 |
|
|
 |
|
|
 |
 |
03-04-2006, 10:38 AM
|
 |
|
samkydd
has no status.
Senior Member
|
Quote:
|
|
|
|
|
03-04-2006, 10:59 AM
|
|
|
Johnny Rico
has no status.
Senior Member
|
Carry on Bond....continues
Sid James IS James Bond Kenneth Williams IS M Barbara Windsor IS Norma Snockers Charles Hawtry IS Q Bond : 'Ere M , wheres Q? I haven't been given my P99? M : Keep that up , Bond , and you'll get a P45.... Bond : 'Oos the Blonde Bird with the... M : Ah , Yes , Bond . This is our newest Agent , Norma Snockers - codename Double Oh , Arhh . Bond : She's Outstanding! BWAHAHAA M : Stop messin About! Norma : 'Ees a Card inny? Heehee. When do i get my Gun? Q : Alright, Alright ...I've been trying someting in the Back Bond : No surprise there! Norma : Is that it? I was expecting a Pair of 45's Bond : BWAHAHA ' Cor Blimey! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- James Bond will return as soon as Peter Rogers can come up with some more Fourth-Form Innuendo! |
|
|
|
|
03-04-2006, 02:47 PM
|
|
|
samkydd
has no status.
Senior Member
|
Quote:
M: Oh Mmmmmmm…Matron! Q: Don’t you want to know what ‘Q’ stands for James? Bond: Gor blimey, don’t bother to tell me I think I can guess! Q: If you'd only be a bit nicer to me I’d let you play with my gyro-copter! Bond: If I got caught being nice to you mush the only Gyros we’d play with would be in the post every fortnight. BWAHAHA Moneypenny: Ah James, the casinos of Monte Carlo tonight or my place for a cosy dinner for two? Bond: Thanks for the offer Moneypenny but I think I’d prefer a gamble to a dead cert. BWAHAHA Moneypenny: I may not be as young or as glamorous as your usual girls James, but with me at least you'd get pussy galore! Bond: That's what I'm afraid of! Q: Leave him alone you old cow, I've got much more to offer him! I've got a ring with a built in circular saw! Bond: Now that I've gotta see BWAHAHA Q.........and my little blowpipe shoots up to 100 metres! Moneypenny: I know, I've been washing my hair every night for weeks! M: (reading his files) Now double-oh-seven you're booked on the next fligt to Instanbul where you'll meet 08, 09, 12, 27, 34 and 46. No, I'm such a fool arn't I, those are my lottery numbers! Ah here it is, you're to meet, seduce and extract as much information as you can from SPECTRE's top agent in the Middle East, Shoaz Yahtitz! Bond: Looks like I've hit the jackpot. Is she sexy? M: No stop messin' about, she used to be a model in a glamour magazine Constantinipples. Bond: I've seen that rag, all the girls wear veils and are covered up! M: If she's ugly just lie through your teeth and think of England! Bond: Will I need any protection? M: Wear a fez just in case, you don't want to be spotted. Bond: Too bloomin' true, I was covered in them for weeks last time, BWAHAHA! M: The women are allowed more freedom over there these days, she's working under cover in a fast food restaurant. Bond: Don't tell me, Burkha King BWAHAHA! Norma Snockers: Before you go James you promised to show me the ejaculation seat in your Aston Martin! Q: Ejector seat you silly girl! Bond: That all depends on whose sitting next to me Q, BWAHAHA! Q: And you'd better make sure you don't damage it! Bond: Who are you talkin' to, me or her? BWAHAHA! |
|
|
|
|
|
03-04-2006, 04:23 PM
|
|
|
theuofc
has no status.
Senior Member
|
Quote:
You're a marvel! [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/thumbsup.gif[/img] Thanks so much for this great find. I have never run across the Bogarde-Bond spoof in all my searching days for Bogarde items. Maybe it's newly off the laugh-track. It's definitely a hilarious find. [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/clapping.gif[/img] Much appreciated, Barbara |
|
|
|
|
|
03-04-2006, 04:36 PM
|
|
|
Stephen Pickard
is senior member
Senior Member
|
Quote:
I am amazed at how many roles he played, in the 40's and 50's, according to the IMDB. I have seen a few of them. |
|
|
|
|
|
03-04-2006, 04:37 PM
|
|
|
theuofc
has no status.
Senior Member
|
Quote:
This is funny! Seriously, you pin down the speech perfectly: "Norma : 'Ees a Card inny?..." [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/clapping.gif[/img] Cheers, Barbara |
|
|
|
|
|
03-04-2006, 04:46 PM
|
|
|
theuofc
has no status.
Senior Member
|
Quote:
Seriously wickedly, off the wall hilarious! [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/clapping.gif[/img] You and JohnnyR would be a perfect comic duo on the boards next summer. Fancy 2600+ BritM members in attendance? [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/thumbsup.gif[/img] Cheers, Barbara |
|
|
|
|
|
03-04-2006, 05:07 PM
|
|
|
theuofc
has no status.
Senior Member
|
Quote:
I was surprised also at the number of Carry Ons that Sid did, almost a career in themselves in lasting and being enjoyed so long. At quick count, there were about 21 Carry Ons including an undoubtedly wacky "Carry-On Cowboy," plus the four episodes of his 1975 TV "Carry On Laughing!" Amazing. I'll make a point of seeing "Quatermass 2." Thanks for that. Best, Barbara |
|
|
|
|
|
03-04-2006, 05:10 PM
|
|
|
samkydd
has no status.
Senior Member
|
Meanwhile in a fast food restaurant somewhere in Istanbul:
Shoaz Yahtitz: My Big Whoppers are the talk of the town. Bond: Cor, you can say that again! Shoaz: Would you like to try one of my milk shakes? Bond: Which one, they’re both shaking a treat! Shoaz: Fifty per cent less fat! Bond: I prefer mine full cream if you don’t mind! Shoaz: Would you like it in or out! Bond: Can’t you guess! Shoaz: Excuse my Eeenglish, I mean do you want it served to you on a plate or take the bag away? Bond: Either would suit me, my hotel’s just opposite the market place. Shoaz: Bazaar! Bond: Why are you staying there too? Shoaz: My seester is one of the belly dancers in the Sheikh’s Penthouse. Bond: So she’s a member of the Royal Belly then! Shoaz Yahtitz: You make fun with me no? Bond: I’d certainly like to, I’m in Suite Number 007. Shoaz: You like your suite? Bond: Certainly I've got a very suite tooth so I'm definitely up for a bit of Turkish Delight when you get there? BWAHAHA! Later in Bond’s hotel suite: Shoaz Yahtitz: No James please stop, I cannot, for I am betrothed to a very powerful and dangerous man in SPECTRE! Bond: Coldfinger? Shoaz: Why can’t you Engleeshmen learn a bit about foreplay? Bond: No I meant your fiance, is it Coldfinger? Shoaz: No James, it is a man with the criminal genius of Blofeld and the superior physical strength of Oddjob. Bond: Oh I see, you mean Blo-Job, BWAHAHAH! Shoaz: I always thought Jaws was one of your most challenging adversaries James. Bond: Which film was he in? Shoaz: The Man With the Golden Gums? Bond: You've got the wrong dialogue darlin', I'm supposed to get all the good bits! Shoaz: I've told you you can't have any of my good bits Eenglish Peeg, I'm betrothed, I want my Blo-Job!! Bond: You an' me both darlin' BWAHAHAH! The door bursts open and enter Blo-Job and his henchmen: Blo-Job: So Meester Bond, I catch you cavorting with the woman I love, you will pay for this! Bond: She never said anything about paying for it! Blo-Job: Silence. I will take you to my headquarters in a volcano beneath the Bospherous and there you will tell me all you know about it. Bond: Save yourself the petrol mush, I can’t tell you anything about her that you don’t know already. She stinks of chip fat, her hands are greasy, and I think she spilled some sticky salady stuff down you know where so you’re welcome to her mate. Blo-Job: I don’t relish the prospect. She’s dispensable to me for I have a new woman in my life, she works in McDonners, and she gave me extra chilli on my kebab! Bond: Shish? Blo-Job: Don’t tell me to shish you impudent infidel. Shoaz Yahtitz: You have another woman! Then please kill me now, I’d rather die than not have my Blo-Job! Blo-Job: Stop making a SPECTRE kill of yourself woman! ......and to think that people actually make lucrative careers out of writing this painful load of old codswallap! I'm so pleased I chose life on the factory floor [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif[/img] |
|
|
|
|
03-04-2006, 06:23 PM
|
|
|
Steve Crook
is cheeky
Moderator
|
Quote:
With that nickname, and with a selection of photos behind the bar showing him in the boxing ring, many people assumed that Sid had really been a boxer. But he wasn't. The photos behind the bar were made just for the film. Sid, or his agent, must have liked the idea. It sounded better for his image than one job we know he did really do in South Africa, a ladies hairdresser. So they never denied it, but they never actually confirmed it either. They just let people carry on with their wrong assumption. Steve |
|
|
|
|
03-04-2006, 06:42 PM
|
|
|
theuofc
has no status.
Senior Member
|
Quote:
Barbara |
|
|
|
|
|
03-04-2006, 11:13 PM
|
|
|
Johnny Rico
has no status.
Senior Member
|
Meanwhile..in London's Whitehall, Q is fiddling with his apparatus.....
Charles Hawtrey is Q Kenneth Williams is M Q--Right then , I'm off early. I'm feeling a little Dicky. M--Not for the first time! Q--It serves me right for having too much to Drink at 006's Leaving Do! M--Really, Q- You're the last person I thought would go for a Bender! Q--Ooh , I say PHONE RINGS M----- Ah, Bond . You're back from Istanbul. Have you been De-Briefed? Bond- Nah but I was getting close BWAHAHA M-----What went wrong? Bond- There was a huge Bang - Blo-Job was standing next to the Window- Ee got Sucked Out M---- Ooh , Nasty! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ |
|
|
|
|
04-04-2006, 08:14 AM
|
|
|
theuofc
has no status.
Senior Member
|
Quote:
Barbara |
|
|
|
|
 |
 |
Bookmarks |  |
«
Previous Thread
|
Next Thread
»
| Thread Tools | |
| Display Modes | |
Linear Mode
|
|
All times are GMT. The time now is 12:01 AM.
SEO by vBSEO 3.2.0 ©2008, Crawlability, Inc.
|
Copyright © 1998-2008 BritMovie |
