Worst British horror film ever

[tali122]

i've watched countless horror films but inseminoid must be the worst british horror film ever -or are there others for contention?

[Ascoyne D'Ascoyne]

name='tali122']i've watched countless horror films but inseminoid must be the worst british horror film ever -or are there others for contention?

Very likely!

The worst that comes to my mind (probably because somebody deemed it worthy for dvd re-issue so that I had the opportunity of seeing it recently) is "Virgin Witch".

[ChristineCB]

Oh no. I've got to either get this thread deleted or hidden or keep my husband from finding it, because next we'll start collecting all of THESE films. I think we have all the bad American ones. Why should our shelves have the bad Brit ones too" (shhh - none of that "Why Not" nonsense).



I'll try to stem the tide by chanting, "Go watch Reptiliicus" over and over.



I'm hoping our next collecting frenzy will be time-travellers instead bad English horror films.

[samkydd]

Jose Larraz' Vampyres from 1974 is pretty awful and disjointed, but it was made in Britain with a British cast and has now attained cult status. Whether this is for its low budget horror qualities or because it featured two gorgeous nude bisexual female vampires is open to discussion!



Personally I like all old British horror movies and although their scare qualities are mostly on a par with a travelling funfair's Ghost Train, some of the actors, sets, costumes and storylines are very enjoyable and like Carry On movies, you don't mind seeing them time and time again!



The most enjoyable modern comedy-horror in recent years has to be Shaun of the Dead, well worth a viewing if you haven't seen it!

[boyblue]

'Vampyres' is one of the BEST british horror films in that it is genuinely erotic and unsettling. The storyline makes sense as the dream/fantasy of Ted, the main protagonist, if you bother to pay attention to the ending.



'Shaun Of The Dead', on the other hand, is a typical contemporary britmovie, an entirely uncinematic extended sitcom, with crashingly obvious nods to Romero and Fulci that somehow masquerade as postmodern irony. It's not bad, just banal, which in many ways is worse.

[boyblue]

My nomination for worst British horror film would be 'The Descent', which I just had the misfortune to watch - a bunch of neurotic, ugly women stuck down a badly lit cave for what seems an eternity, with the ugliest, most neurotic being of course the heroine!

[samkydd]

name='boyblue']'Vampyres' is one of the BEST british horror films in that it is genuinely erotic and unsettling. The storyline makes sense as the dream/fantasy of Ted, the main protagonist, if you bother to pay attention to the ending.

Unfortunately I didn't see anything erotic in victims getting stabbed to death with a gothic dagger, and the blood sucked out of them, or the 1970s film-maker interpretation of awkward embarrasing fumblings which passed for the sex scenes. But it was a good laugh.

name='boyblue']'Shaun Of The Dead', on the other hand, is a typical contemporary britmovie, an entirely uncinematic extended sitcom, with crashingly obvious nods to Romero and Fulci that somehow masquerade as postmodern irony. It's not bad, just banal, which in many ways is worse.

It was Men Behaving Badly meets AAWIL, and I thought it was just a good laugh, hilarious in parts, and anyone who tries seriously to analyse such a film critically must be banally retentive.

[tali122]

dream demon (timothy spall) is another stinker.

descent -zero plot a la dog soldiers

shaun of dead - tad overrated

creep -crap

13th sign -terrible

[Jack Gurney]

There are three contenders for this crown- Richard Driscoll's woefully pretentious low budget stinker THE COMIC (1985), so bad it was booed offscreen at it s premier: the terrible family horror-action fest SECRETS OF THE PHANTOM CAVERNS aka WHAT WAITS BELOW (1985) directed by the usually talented Don Sharp, and the utterly execrable and inexcusable BEYOND BEDLAM (Vadim Jean 1993) starring Keith Allen as a sub-Lecter nutter, Liz Hurley as a festy tart, Craig Fairbrass as a crap detective (again!!) and Anita Dobson as an annoying ghost. The only possibly redeeming feature in this pile of shite is that one gets to see some aerial shots of Harrow, where myself and my friend Barry were watching it at the time.



Other Brit horror films that are definitely below par are:

HARDWARE (Richard Stanley 1990): horribly pretentious sub-2000 AD drivel 'shot on location in Camden', as if the actual conceit of the storyline wasn't bad enough



28 DAYS LATER (Danny Boyle 2003): nuff said, except 'God I want to punch Cillian Murphy in the face'



DOMINIQUE (Michael Anderson 1978): even such a stellar cast as Cliff Robertson, Jean Simmons, Jenny Agutter, Simon Ward, Judy Geeson, Ron Moody, Michael Jayston, Flora Robson, David Tomlinson and Jack Warner can't help to liven this tedious, sloooooooooooooooooow sub-Clouzot, sub-Sangster snoozefest



and SUFFER LITTLE CHILDREN (Alan Briggs 1983) a shot on video, possibly the tackiest production ever seen. Watch in amazement as talentless actors (made up of the staff and inmates of a childrens home in New Malden), bad 80s soft-rock musicians and visible camera crews sleepwalk their way through inept satanic drivel with flying knives on wires and blood flung from ketchup bottles. Unlike all the others though, this is worth watching just to suspend sheer disbelief.

[faceoff]

Legend of the White Worm - Amanda Donahue's snake dance and sinking her fangs into that poor guy's meat and two veg in the bath - ouch.



That White Worm - I seen more frightening strings of sausages at Punch and Judy shows. And that embarrassing moment where Hugh Grant and a pen do their best to suggest, very badly, that he (Hugh) is - eh - sexually aroused. Boy, no wonder Liz Hurley fancied the pen/ts off him. Gave a whole new meaning to the phrases "his nibs".

[faceoff]

Does anyone remember that so called horror film with a pre Jean-Luc Picard, Patrick Stewart and Mathilda Maye wandering around entirely naked for most of the film as an alien vampire?



Life Force I think it was called. It was awful. If lovely French laydees must wander around naked on screen (they must, they must) they should at least have something sensible to say and do. I can then justify watching it simply for art sake!

[Shaun Anderson]

One of the more inept horror films was "The Deadly Bees", a bad idea on paper and in practice. In fact aside from "The Skull", "City of the Dead" and "Scream and Scream Again" the majority of Amicus' non portmanteau films were poor, "I Monster" springs immediately to mind. Also pretty awful is "Expose" which tried to cover up its simplistic rape revenge plot with arty editing and heavy handed symbolism.

[Alec Harvey]

Absolutely no contest *The Abominable Dr Phibes*. Ordure of the first order.

[Sgt Dudfoot]

Personally I like The Abominable Dr Phibes and it's sequel, good fun. Not sure about the worst one over but "I Don't Want To Be Born" must come close. Although the scene with Joan Collins dancing with the dwarf makes it a must see!

[DB7]

Bloodbath at the House of Death

A terrible vehicle designed for Kenny Everett and its only saving grace is a Vincent Price cameo. (who should know better).

[Carmel]

Most of the horror films on sky's horror zone is dreadful, with all the horror films ever made they should stop showing repeat after repeat and show some of the great horror's that were made.

[Carmel]

Hi i would agree that inseminoid has to be the worst film ever made

[spinalman]

I'd agree with "28 days Later" and it's sister, "the Hole". Both amateur pretentious tosh...that shouldn't have got funding.

[thirdlady]

name='faceoff']Legend of the White Worm - Amanda Donahue's snake dance and sinking her fangs into that poor guy's meat and two veg in the bath - ouch.



That White Worm - I seen more frightening strings of sausages at Punch and Judy shows. And that embarrassing moment where Hugh Grant and a pen do their best to suggest, very badly, that he (Hugh) is - eh - sexually aroused. Boy, no wonder Liz Hurley fancied the pen/ts off him. Gave a whole new meaning to the phrases "his nibs".

I saw that movie and it put me to sleep

[Mozkiwi]

Actually I first saw this film when I was 23 years old, and only because of the soundtrack.

I don't think it can get much worse than Son of Dracula (1974), with Ringo Starr, Harry Nilsson, and... what on earth was this actor doing in this film: Dennis Price (as Van Helsing)?

I fear the wrath of Mr. Ascoyne D'Ascoyne by referencing this movie!