sippog

A lovely idea. Unfortunately the only bit that's likely is the last bit: "second childhood" as Ol' Will put it.

Must be comforting to believe in reincarnation - except with my luck, I'd end up as Madonna's latest acquisition.

Cypher

I really don't know who originated this nice little collection of trivia, or who added the comments. It wasn't me and I merely pass it on for your amusement...

FUNNY FACTS
A cockroach will live nine days without its head, before it starves to death.
(Creepy.)
If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
(Hardly seems worth it)
If you fart consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
(Now that's more like it)
A pig's orgasm lasts for 30 minutes.
(In my next life I want to be a pig) (How'd they figure this out, and why?)
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
(Still can't get over that pig thing) (Don't try this at home...maybe at work?)
Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(Is that why Flipper was always smiling?) (And pigs get 30-minute orgasms? Doesn't seem fair)
The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
(Hmmmmmmmmm....)
Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people do.
(If you're ambidextrous do you split the difference?)
The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its own weight, and always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.
(From drinking little bottles of...?) (Did taxpayers pay for this research??)
Polar bears are left-handed. (Who knew? Who cares? How'd they find out? Ask them?)
The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What can be so tasty on the bottom of the pond?)
The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.
(30 minutes...can you imagine??) (And why pigs?)
The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.
(Honey, I'm home. What the....) (Well, at least pigs get a break there...)
Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(In my next life I still want to be a pig... quality over quantity.)
Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Oh, geez.) (That's almost as bad as catfish)
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that.)
Starfish don't have brains.
(I know some people like that too.)
After reading all these, all I can say is...lucky pigs…

"Fetch me another anger therapist!"

Steve Crook

I liked the comments almost as much as the "facts"
I put them in inverted commas because the one about the dolphins & humans is certainly wrong - check out bonobos

Steve

Dame Starry

YDSL x.

The Christmas countdown has begun - don't leave it all until the last minute!

Rob Compton

where does she get them? I like it!

Dame Starry

The Birth of a Tradition

One particular Christmas season a long time ago, Santa was getting ready for his annual trip, but there were problems everywhere. Four of his elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule.

Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her mum was coming to visit. This stressed Santa even more.

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where. More stress.
Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked, and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys.

So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered that the elves had hidden the liquor, and there was nothing to drink. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider pot, and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw end of the broom. Just then the doorbell rang, and irritable Santa trudged to the door. He opened the door, and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.

The angel said, very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't it a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?"

Thus began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.

The Christmas countdown has begun - don't leave it all until the last minute!

Marky B

Ta Ta
Marky B

I am special. The heavens always open for me.

Dame Starry

The Christmas countdown has begun - don't leave it all until the last minute!

Steve Crook

Do you like Kipling?
I don't know, I've never Kippled.

Steve

Dame Starry

You have no idea what you're missing, Steve!

YDSL x.

The Christmas countdown has begun - don't leave it all until the last minute!

batman

Ma Lovett meets Mr Kipling ...... was it exceedingly good for you?

Bats.

"Boom boom a baby .... Banham Zoo .... Banana pants! Hahahaha"

Dame Starry

It was the quiche of death for both of us...............

YDSL x.

The Christmas countdown has begun - don't leave it all until the last minute!

lordtednfs

An elderly lady and gent were in the old folks home and were talking about how life was with their former partners.

The old lady says "My husband was cruel to me, never made love to me, made me eat off the floor and worst of all all would never let me use soft toilet paper, I always had to use newspaper, it was so rough".

The man seeing an opening said "I would never let you suffer like that my dear. I would wine and dine you at the finest restaurants and afterwards would make the most passionate love ever and for your private moments you could use the softest velvet like tissue in the world".

The lady was touched by this and felt very close to the man and invited him back to her room. In her room things started to get very intimate and both were getting extremely carried away when the lady asked, " I have never been taken from behind, could you do me the honour of being the first?" "It would be my pleasure" replied the man.

The lady got herself into position when the man said "Shame about the Titanic".

_______________
Hooked off the line

Dame Starry

The Christmas countdown has begun - don't leave it all until the last minute!

David Brent

They make great mince pies.

(Kipling that is!)

Dave.