smiffy

Following the problems in the Sub prime lending market in America , and the run on the Northern Rock in the UK , uncertainty has now hit Japan,

In the last seven days Origami Bank has folded , Sumo Bank has gone belly up ,and Bonsai Bank has cut some of its branches.

Yesterday it was announced that Karaoke Bank is up for sale and is expected to go for a song , and today trading in Kamikaze bank was suspended after their shares nose-dived.Furthermore 500 staff at Karate bank got the chop , and analysts report that there is something fishy going on at Sushi bank where it is feared that outgoing staff will get a raw deal

I May be getting older ,but I refuse to grow up

batman

.... HOO HAW !!!!!

Bats.

Don't miss out on a chance to win a rare film in Bat-Quiz 13 closing date - 31/8/8.

Cypher

This one is absolutely true. (No "photoshopped" images here!)

A few years ago my wife and I were fortunate enough to go on a cruise in the med. One day it was quite stormy and the ship's crew wanted to prevent access to parts of the deck that were considered unsafe; so they put up a sign...






Nuff said?

"Fetch me another anger therapist!"

smiffy

Is he related to Won Hung-Lo ?

I May be getting older ,but I refuse to grow up

smiffy

A German guy , A Japanese guy , and a Mexican guy were in a sauna when they all heard a buzzing noise , the German pressed his arm and the buzzing stopped ,he apologised explaining it was his pager ,he had a microchip in his arm.
Then a Phone rang ,the Japanese guy lifted his hand to his ear and spoke into his palm ,he said sorry it's my phone I have a microchip in my hand.
The Mexican was feeling very low tech so went to the toilet and came back with a piece of paper dangling from between his cheeks ,when the other two pointed this out he said " Ay Caramba I'm receiving a Fax "

I May be getting older ,but I refuse to grow up

Bell Bottom George

Yes, How High IS a Chinaman ?

"What larks we had Mr Pip...........what larks !"

Dame Starry

DOH!



YDSL x.

batman

A man walks into a shoe shop and asks for a size 8 pair of heavy work boots. The shop assistant tells the man he needs at least a size 12. The man insists he wants size 8, so the assistant gets some from the stock room. The man squeezes his huge feet into the size 8s which are indeed about four sizes too small. 'They'll do' he says and pays the assistant. He then hobbles out of the shop, obviously in great pain.

Every day for the next week the shop assistant sees this guy hobble past his shop, still in great pain. One day he invites the man back into the shop and asks 'Look, these shoes are crippling you, why do you keep wearing them?' The man looks at him, and with tears weling up in his eyes says ....

'When I was a boy both my parents, who I loved dearly, died. I was sent to a kid's home where I was beaten every day. When I was old enough to leave I went to sea, but my ship sank and all my ship mates were drowned. I came back and spent months in hospital. There, I fell in love with my nurse. We got married and bought a house and had three lovely children. One day my wife was killed and I hit the bottle. Social services took my kids away and I haven't seen them for years .... nowadays I live in a grotty one room flat in the middle of a slum, and work as a night attendant in a public toilet cleaning up all sorts of stuff.'

The assistant stares at the man and then asks 'But why do you wear those tiny boots?'

'Isn't it obvious' comes the reply 'taking these buggers off is the only pleasure I get in life'.

Bats.

Don't miss out on a chance to win a rare film in Bat-Quiz 13 closing date - 31/8/8.

Steve Crook

It's like banging your head against a brick wall
It's so nice when you stop that some people do it again

Steve

Dame Starry

Husband: I've just heard that the milkman has slept with every woman in this street - except one!

Wife: I bet it's that snooty bitch from number 17.

YDSL x.

Steve Crook

Steve

ollie

When are knickers festive ?.... When they're Carols

cheers Ollie.

"Bullseye !!"

Cypher

There are three kinds of economists – those who can count and those who can't.

And for the techies among you...

There are only 10 types of people in this world, those who understand binary and those who don't!

... and staying with the one-liners, a delightful quote which I am still not sure I fully understand...

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines!



Cypher

"Fetch me another anger therapist!"

Steve Crook

* The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese!

* Employ teenagers - they seem to know everything

And while you're doing technical comments:
* Entropy isn't what it used to be

Steve

Cypher

Oh, well; if it's only the sex jokes that win the plaudits, here's one for you...

Sex After Death

A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other of the afterlife. Their biggest fear was that there was no afterlife.

After a long life, the husband was the first to go, and true to his word he made contact,

"Connie....Connie.!"

"Is that you, Joe?"

"Yes, I've come back as we agreed."

"What's it like?"

"Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex. I have breakfast, off to the golf course, I have sex. I bathe in the sun, and then I have sex twice. I have lunch, another romp around the golf course, then sex pretty much all afternoon. After supper, golf course again. Then have sex until late at night. The next day it starts again."

"Oh, Joe you surely must be in heaven."

Not exactly, I'm a rabbit on a golf course in Arizona.

"Fetch me another anger therapist!"