batman

Gordon Brown was being shown round a mental hospital. He was taken into a workshop. At one of the benches was a man using a lathe. 'What are you doing?' asked the Prime Minister. 'Me and my mate are helping to make number plates' came the reply. 'Where's your mate?' asked Gordon. 'Up there' said the man, pointing to the ceiling. Mr Brown looked up and saw a man hanging from the ceiling by his legs. 'What's he doing up there?' asked Gordon. 'Oh, he's just a bit nuts, he thinks he's a light bulb' said the man. 'Why don't you help him get down?' said Gordon. 'What!' said the man, 'and work in the bloody dark'.

Bats.

I wish I had claws.

Dame Starry

YDSL x.

lordtednfs

Going on the crappy jokes:

How do you two Whales in a mini?

Down the M4!

francesgumm

Whats a shih tzu? A zoo with no animals.

Marky B

The Lone Ranger and his horse,Silver,was captured by an enemy group of Indians. (Tonto was on holiday visiting his mother,BTW).
The chief of the tribe said to the masked man. "It is the blessing of the buffalo,as we rejoice in our hunt,which gives us food. So in three days,I will kill you. However,I will grant you three wishes before your death. What will they be?
The Lone Ranger thinks about this and says:"Can I have a word with Silver,my horse?"
The chief looked bemused at this request,but nonetheless grants it. So the Lone Ranger goes over to Silver and whispered in its ear. Silver gallops away and a few hours later brings back a beautiful blonde woman.
The chief gives a wry grin and allows the Lone Ranger to go into a teepee with this blonde woman.
The next day,the chief asks what his second request will be and again the Lone Ranger asks if he could have another word with Silver. On being granted,he goes over to Silver and whispers in itsear. Silver gallops away and a few hours later brings back a beautiful brunette. The chief smiled and shook his head as the masked man took the brunette into the teepee.
The following day,the chief grants the Lone Ranger his final request.
"May I have one last word with my horse,but this time in private."
The chief nodded and the Lone Ranger took Silver into his teepee. He grabbed hold of the horse's ear and looked him square in the eyes. "Now listen to me,dickhead and get it right.......BRING ME POSSE!
Ta Ta
Marky B

I once shot an elephant in my pyjamas - how he got in my pyjamas,I'll never know

Dame Starry

Who called my jokes 'crappy'?

YDSL x.

DB7

http://www.smwa.net/downloads/funny/rake_bush4.swf

smiffy

I May be getting older ,but I refuse to grow up

smiffy

Wife to Husband " what's in your parcel dear ? "
Husband to Wife " It's the Olympic condoms I ordered ,I think I'll wear gold tonight "
Wife to Husband " Why don't you wear silver and come second for a change ? "

I May be getting older ,but I refuse to grow up

sippog

There's nothing like a good Lone Ranger joke. Here's a couple of my faves:

LONE RANGER: "Tonto, this looks bad. We're surrounded by bloodthirsty Indians who want to scalp us."
TONTO: "What do you mean "we", paleface ?"

------
The Lone Ranger and Tonto come into a town on a very cold night. The only saloon has a sign up that says: "No Indians Allowed". The Lone Ranger tells Tonto to wait outside while he gets a drink and suggests he run up and down to keep warm if gets too cold. He's goes into the saloon and orders a drink. He's just finishing it when a man comes into the bar and asks him: "Excuse me, mister, but are you the Lone Ranger?"
"Yes,"he replies. "Why?"
"I think you left your injun running . . ."

essaljay

The lone ranger gets bitten by a snake on the genitals. He's lying on the ground writhing in agony and says to Tonto "ride into town to the doc and see what he says to do!" Right away Tonto does as he's told. The doctor says to him "You gotta suck out the poison as quick as you can!" With those instructions in his head he races back to the Lone Ranger who by now is even worse "Well", he said "What did the doctor say?" Tonto rushed up to him and said "The doc says you're gonna die!"

batman

The Lone Ranger sees Tonto riding past carrying a dustbin on his back. 'Where are going with all that rubbish Tonto?' asks The Lone Ranger. Tonto replies .... 'To the dump to the dump to the dump dump dump!'.

Bats.

I wish I had claws.

ollie

Whats the difference between a duck ? .........

One of it's legs is both the same


cheers Ollie.

"Bullseye !!"

batman

Still can't get it right!

Bats.

I wish I had claws.

batman

One last go ... it is a bit rude.



Bats.

edit - success!

I wish I had claws.