ShirlGirl

Good heavens! What's the world coming to! -- we were never allowed to chew gum way back when I was a hostie!

David Brent

Was that as an hostess for an airline - or an exclusive men's club ?

Whatever, you'd be the hostess with the mostest.

Dave.

Dame Starry

Dame Starry

ShirlGirl

Ah but the mostest what? Certainly not what that young lady in the video was revealing! (Sad to say!).

Dame Starry

15 Reasons Why Beer is Better Than Women

1) A beer doesn't get jealous when you grab another beer.
2) When you go to a bar you can always pick up a beer.
3) A beer won't get upset if you come home and have beer on your breath.
4) You don't have to wine and dine a beer.
5) If you pour a beer just right you'll always get good head.
6) Hangovers go away.
7) When you are finished with a beer, the bottle is still worth 5 cents.
8) You don't have to wash a beer before it tastes good.
9) A beer always goes down easy.
10) You can share a beer with your friends.
11) Beer is always wet.
12) You always know you're the first one to pop a beer.
13) A frigid beer, is a good beer.
14) You can have more than one beer and not feel guilty.
15) You can enjoy a beer all month long.

YDSL x.

Dame Starry

A guy named Chris goes over to his friend's house, rings the bell, and the wife answers. "Hi is Tony home?" "No he went to the store." "Well, you mind if I wait?" "No come in."

They sit down and Chris says, "You know Betsy, you have the greatest looking breasts I have ever seen. I'd give you a hundred bucks if I could just see one." Betsy thinks about this for a second and says to her self, what the hell - a hundred bucks! My husband sees it all the time for free! So she opens her robe and shows one.

Chris promptly thanks her and throws a 100 bucks on the table. They sit there a while longer and Chris says, "They are soooo beautiful, I've got to see both of them. I'll give you another 100 bucks if I could just see both of them together." Betsy thinks about this again and says what the hell, opens her robe and gives Chris a nice long look.

Chris thanks her and throws another 100 bucks on the table then says he can't wait any longer for Tony and leaves. A while later Tony arrives home and his wife says, "You know, your weird friend Chris came over."

Tony promptly asks, "Well, did he drop off the 200 bucks he owes me?"

************************************************** ***********

Rules of Bedroom Golf

1. Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play. (Normally one club and two balls)

2. Play on a course must be approved by the owner of the hole.

3. Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and keep balls out of the hole.

4. For most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft. Course owners are permitted to check shaft stiffness before play begins.

5. Course owners reserve the right to restrict the length of the club to avoid damage to the hole.

6. The object of the game is to make as many strokes as necessary until the course owner is satisfied that the play is complete. Failure to do so may result in being denied permission to play the course again.

7. It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately upon arrival at the course. The experienced player will normally take time to admire the entire course, with special attention to well formed bunkers.

8. Players are cautioned not to mention other courses they have played or are currently playing to the owner of the course being played. Upset course owners have been known to damage a player's equipment for this reason.

9. Players are encouraged to have proper rain gear along, just in case.

10. Players should assure themselves that their match has been properly scheduled, particularly when a new course is being played for the first time. Previous players have been known to become irate if they discover someone else playing what they consider to be a private course

11. Players should not assume a course is in shape for play at all times. Some players may be embarrassed if they find the course to be temporarily under repair. Players are advised to be extremely careful in this situation. More advanced players will find alternate means of play when this is the case.

12. Players are advised to obtain the course owner's permission before attempting to play the back nine.

13. Slow play is encouraged. However, players should be prepared to proceed at a quicker pace, at least temporarily, at the course owner's request.

14. It is considered outstanding performance, time permitting, to play the same hole several times in one match.

15. The course owner will be the sole judge of who is the best player.

16. Payment for membership is dependent upon the given course. Additional assessment may be levied by the course owner and the rules are subject to change. For this reason, many players prefer to continue to play several different courses.

YDSL x.

Marky B

Thank you for coming to its defence.
Ta Ta
Marky B

I once shot an elephant in my pyjamas - how he got in my pyjamas,I'll never know

batman

Bats.

I wish I had claws.

Marky B

Four men were in the golf club house,enjoying gins and tonics,when one of them started talking about his son.
"I am very proud of my son,you know. A sales executive for Ferrari,you know. One of the top men in the country,you know. He is on half a million pounds a year,shares in the company,a penthouse suite over looking the Thames,regular holidays abroad and is so generous,he gave a friend of his a brand new Ferrari."
A second man came in. "Well,I am very proud of my son too. He is an estate agent,with a portfolio covering the most expensive houses in Hertfordshire. He has a massive house too in Hertfordshire,as well as a villa in the south of France. He is one three quarter of a million a year and is also generous. He gave a friend of his a house in Stevenage."
The third man came in. "I am very,very proud of my son. A leading man in the City,a top advisor to chairmen of different companies,and a member of the Chancellor of the Exchequer's inner circle. He has shares in various companies,commutes to New York and Frankfurt,writes for the Financial Times and he is also very generous. He gave a friend of his a portfolio for shares,which has made his friend very rich."
The fourth man was oblivious to what they said,but nonetheless chipped in about his son.
"Well,I can't say I am proud of my son. Eighteen years old and openly gay. But he has had good boyfriends. He's had three,and he got a Ferrari from one of them,another gave him a house in Stevenage and the third gave him a portfolio of shares.
Ta Ta
Marky B

I once shot an elephant in my pyjamas - how he got in my pyjamas,I'll never know

Dame Starry

If Men Were to Rewrite "The Rules"

Rule # 1 Anything we said six or eight months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after seven days.

Rule # 2 If we say something that can be interpreted in two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other way.

Rule # 3 It is in neither your best interest nor ours to make us take those stupid Cosmo quizzes together.

Rule # 4 You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done -- not both.

Rule # 5 Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials or time-outs.

Rule # 6 Christopher Columbus didn't need directions and neither do we.

Rule # 7 When we're turning the wheel and the car is nosing onto the ramp, you saying "This is our exit" is not necessary.

YDSL x.

Dame Starry

And, in order to redress the balance a little bit:

Training Courses Now Available for Men:
=============================

= > 1. Introduction to Common Household Objects I: The Mop
= > 2. Introduction to Common Household Objects II: The Sponge
= > 3. Dressing Up: Beyond the Wedding and the Funeral
= > 4. Refrigerator Forensics: Identifying and Removing the Dead
= > 5. Design Pattern or Splatter Stain on the Linoleum? - You CAN Tell the Difference!
= > 6. Accepting Loss I: If It's Empty, You Can Throw It Away
= > 7. Accepting Loss II: If the Milk Expired Three Weeks Ago, Keeping It In the Refrigerator Won't Bring It Back
= > 8. Going to the Supermarket - It's Not Just for Women Anymore!
= > 9. Recycling Skills I: Boxes that the Electronics Came In
= > 10. Recycling Skills II: Styrofoam that Came in the Boxes that the Electronics Came In
= > 11. Bathroom Etiquette I: How to Remove Beard Clippings from the Sink
= > 12. Bathroom Etiquette II: Let's Wash Those Towels!
= > 13. Bathroom Etiquette III: Five Easy Ways to Tell When You're About to Run Out of Toilet Paper!
= > 14. Giving Back to the Community: How to Donate 15-Year-Old Levis to the Goodwill
= > 15. Retro, Or Just Hideous?: Re-examining Your '70s Polyester Shirts
= > 16. Knowing the Limitations of Your Kitchenware: No, The Dishes Won't Wash Themselves
= > 17. Romance: More Than a Cable Channel!
= > 18. Strange But True!: She Really May NOT Care What "Fourth Down and Ten" Means
= > 19. Going Out to Dinner: Beyond McDonald's
= > 20. Expand Your Entertainment Options: Renting Movies That Don't Fall Under the "Action/Adventure" Category
= > 21. Yours, Mine, and Ours: Sharing the Remote
= > 22. "I Could Have Played a Better Game Than That!": Why Women Laugh
= > 23. Adventures in Housekeeping I: Let's Clean the Closet
= > 24. Adventures in Housekeeping II: Let's Clean Under the Bed
= > 25. "I Don't Know": Be the First Man to Say It!
= > 26. The Gas Gauge in Your Car: Sometimes Empty MEANS Empty
= > 27. Directions: It's Okay to Ask for Them
= > 28. Listening: It's Not Just Something You Do During Halftime
= > 29. Accepting Your Limitations: Just Because You Have Power Tools Doesn't Mean You Can Fix It

YDSL x.

batman

Bats.

I wish I had claws.

Dame Starry

Only because you know it's true!


This old guy wobbles into an ice cream shop.

He has a hard time walking. He is hunched over.

He goes up to the counter and says, "Banana Split, please."

The lady at the counter replies, "Crushed nuts?"

The old man says, "No, Arthritis!"

YDSL x.

Dame Starry

YDSL x.