Laughs

[smiffy]

Originally Posted by Dame Starry If Men Were to Rewrite "The Rules" Rule # 1 Anything we said six or eight months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after seven days. Rule # 2 If we say something that can be interpreted in two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other way. Rule # 3 It is in neither your best interest nor ours to make us take those stupid Cosmo quizzes together. Rule # 4 You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done -- not both. Rule # 5 Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials or time-outs. Rule # 6 Christopher Columbus didn't need directions and neither do we. Rule # 7 When we're turning the wheel and the car is nosing onto the ramp, you saying "This is our exit" is not necessary. YDSL x.

ReWrite the rules ? those are the rules in our House

[Dame Starry]

Originally Posted by smiffy ReWrite the rules ? those are the rules in our House

Is that what the missus told you to write, smiffy? Well done!

YDSL x.

[smiffy]

After talking to her husband a lady decides she wants cosmetic surgery to produce the "Perfect " Designer Vagina .

So £50,000 and two weeks later she wakes up in her hospital bed after surgery,to find a nurse putting the first of three bunches of roses in a vase.The lady says ,"Who are the flowers from nurse ? " to which the nurse reads card no 1 and replies , " this is from the surgeon saying thank you for letting me create the perfect Designer Vagina , "The second is from your husband to say thank you for having the perfect Designer Vagina " The lady says "Oh how nice but who is the third one from ?" The nurse reads the card and says "This is from Fred in the burns unit who says Thanks for the new Ears "

[smiffy]

Originally Posted by Dame Starry Is that what the missus told you to write, smiffy? Well done! YDSL x.

How did you know ?

[Dame Starry]

Originally Posted by smiffy How did you know ?

I'm a woman - I know EVERYTHING!

YDSL x.

[Dame Starry]

Originally Posted by smiffy After talking to her husband a lady decides she wants cosmetic surgery to produce the "Perfect " Designer Vagina . So £50,000 and two weeks later she wakes up in her hospital bed after surgery,to find a nurse putting the first of three bunches of roses in a vase.The lady says ,"Who are the flowers from nurse ? " to which the nurse reads card no 1 and replies , " this is from the surgeon saying thank you for letting me create the perfect Designer Vagina , "The second is from your husband to say thank you for having the perfect Designer Vagina " The lady says "Oh how nice but who is the third one from ?" The nurse reads the card and says "This is from Fred in the burns unit who says Thanks for the new Ears "

YDSL x.

[Dame Starry]

A man left for work one Friday afternoon. But, being pay-day, instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending his entire pay check.

When he finally appeared at home, Sunday night, he was confronted by a very angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions. Finally his wife stopped the nagging and simply said to him.

"How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?"

To which he replied. "That would be fine with me."

Monday went by and he didn't see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results. But on Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.

YDSL x.

[batman]

Three blokes in a pub get so pissed, that they decide to do exactly the first thing their wives tell them to do when they get home. They arrange to meet the next night to swap notes.

The next night ....

First man says 'I got to the front gate and buggered over the dustbin, the wife leans out of the bedroom window and shout that's right, wake up the neighbourhood. So I did. I rang all the doorbells and sang songs in the middle of the road.'

Second man says 'I managed to get indoors but stood on the cat's tail, the wife says that's right, kill the bloody cat. So I did, I strangled it.'

Third man says 'I managed to get into bed. I felt a bit horny so I started tickling the wife's pussy, she says you can cut that out ..... have you ever seen one of these?'

Bats.

[Dame Starry]

Before Computers

An application was for employment
A program was a TV show
A cursor used profanity
A keyboard was a piano!
Memory was something that you lost with age
A CD was a bank account
And if you had a 3 1/2 inch floppy You hoped nobody found out!
Compress was something you did to garbage Not something you did to a file
And if you unzipped anything in public You'd be in jail for awhile!
Log on was adding wood to a fire
Hard drive was a long trip on the road
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived
And a backup happened to your commode!
Cut - you did with a pocket knife
Paste you did with glue
A web was a spider's home
And a virus was the flue!
I guess I'll stick to my pad and paper
And the memory in my head I hear nobody's been killed in a computer crash
But when it happens they wish they were dead!

YDSL x.

[batman]

Picture has disappeared ..... it wasn't bad enough to be censored by photobucket! Must be a dodgy link somewhere.

[Dame Starry]

Originally Posted by batman You know it's summer when girls start showing their belly buttons .....

Have YOU been censored now, Bats?

YDSL x.

[Joenoir]

Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?

[Dame Starry]

Originally Posted by Joenoir Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?

Who's been taking sneaky pictures of Granny Lovett?

YDSL x.

[Dame Starry]

A man is driving along the motorway with his wife in the passenger seat. During the drive, the wife gets an idea. She starts taking off her clothing piece by piece and tossing them out the window.

The guy is shocked but aroused. She gets her shoes, socks, etc. and chucks them out. Finally, she whips her underwear off and throws it all out onto the motorway. The guy is laughing and leering at her. He loses control of the car in the process and crashes into a barrier at the side.

Unfortunately, the air-bag doesn't go off on his side, and he finds himself wedged in under the steering wheel. "Help, go get help......aggghhhh, I'm stuck", he shouts.

"But I have no clothes on. What'll I do ?", she screams.

"Here", he says wiggling his foot, "Take my shoe and put it over your crotch. It'll have to do, love. Quick, hurry!"

She takes the shoe off his foot and places it over her crotch and gets out of the car, limping and shouting for help. After a few hundred yards of yelling and running a trucker notices this naked hysterical woman holding a shoe over her crotch, and pulls over.

"What's seems to be the trouble?", he asks.

"Help me", she screams, "My husband is stuck".

"If he's stuck up that far I'm afraid I can't help you."

YDSL x.

[Dame Starry]

There were 3 ladies on an island: 1 blonde 1 brunette and a red-head.
The city where they wanted to be was 20 miles away with sea between the island and the city.
The red-head swam 4 miles and drowned of exhaustion, the brunette swam 10 miles and drowned of exhaustion, the blonde swam 19 miles, got tired, and swam back!!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead were stuck on an island for many, many years until one day they found a magic lamp. They rubbed it hard and out popped a genie. He said that he could only give three wishes so since there were three girls, each would get one wish. The redhead went first. 'I hate it here. It is too hot and boring. I want to go home!' 'Okay,' replied the genie. And off she went. Then the brunette went. 'I miss my family, my friends and relatives. I want to go home, too!!' And off she went. The blonde started crying and said, 'I wish my friends were back here!'