Dame Starry

A blonde decides to do something wild she hasn't done before, so she sets out to rent her first X-rated adult video. She goes to the video shop and, after looking around for a while, selects a title that sounds very stimulating.

She drives home, lights some candles, slips into something comfortable, and puts the tape in the VCR. To her disappointment, there's nothing but static on the screen, so she calls the video shop to complain.

Blonde: "I just rented an adult movie from you and there's nothing on the tape, but static."

Shop assistant: "Sorry about, that. We've had problems with some of those tapes. Which title did you rent?"

Blonde says "It's called 'Head Cleaner."

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Fifteen minutes into the flight from Kansas City to Toronto, the captain announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, one of our engines has failed. There is nothing to worry about. Our flight will take an hour longer than scheduled, but we still have three engines left."

Thirty minutes later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and the flight will take an additional two hours. But don't worry . . . we can fly just fine on two engines."

An hour later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and our arrival will be delayed another three hours. But don't worry... we still have one engine left."

A young blonde passenger turned to the man in the next seat and remarked, "If we lose one more engine, we'll be up here all day!"

Dame Starry

1stas

Did you hear about the man that gave his pet snake some viagra?

Now he's got a walking stick!

Dame Starry

Dame Starry

A woman takes a lover home during the day, while her husband is at work. Unbeknownst to her, her 9 year old son was hiding in the closet.

Her husband comes home unexpectedly, so she puts the lover in the closet with the little boy.

The little boy says, "Dark in here." The man says, "Yes it is." Boy- "I have a baseball." Man- "That's nice." Boy- "Want to buy it?" Man- "No, thanks." Boy- "My dad's outside." Man- "OK, how much?" Boy- "$250."

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the mom's lover are in the closet together.

Boy- "Dark in here." Man- "Yes, it is." Boy- "I have a baseball glove." The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, "How much?" Boy- "$750." Man- "Fine."

A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove. Let's go outside and toss the baseball back and forth."

The boy says, "I can't. I sold them." The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"

The son says "$1,000."

The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that.

That is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."

They go to church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door. The boy says, "Dark in here."

The priest says, "Don't start that crap again."

Dame Starry

12 Step Recovery Program For Web Addicts

1. I will have a cup of coffee in the morning and read my PAPER newspaper like I used to, before the Web.

2. I will eat breakfast with a knife and fork and not with one hand typing.

3. I will get dressed before noon.

4. I will make an attempt to clean the house, wash clothes, and plan dinner before even thinking of the Web.

5. I will sit down and write a letter to those unfortunate few friends and family that are Web-deprived.

6. I will call someone on the phone who I cannot contact via the Web.

7. I will read a book... if I still remember how.

8. I will listen to those around me about their needs and stop telling them to turn the TV down so I can hear the music on the Web.

9. I will not be tempted during TV commercials to check for email.

10. I will try and get out of the house at least once a week, if it is necessary or not.

11. I will remember that my bank is not forgiving if I forget to balance my chequebook because I was too busy on the Web.

12. Last, but not least, I will remember that I must go to bed sometime... and the Web will always be there tomorrow!

1stas

I think my laptop is haunted - when I logged in - I'm sure it wasn't there!

samkydd

After 25 years membership I've decided to leave the Rubiks Cube Society!

"...the chairman of Littlewoods stores made a Keynote speech!"

DB7

HEMA - online winkelen

Dame Starry

That's brilliant, Steve - I sat there watching it for ages waiting for something else to happen!

YDSL x.

samkydd

Too clicky!

"...the chairman of Littlewoods stores made a Keynote speech!"

batman

When I joined I thought the members were all a bit square at first. After a while, however, they all wanted to play with my snake!

I'm the cutest bottom judge!

Dame Starry

You didn't even tell me you HAD one!

YDSL x.

Dame Starry

If there were any gentlemen on here, this would make their eyes water:




YDSL x.

Steve Crook

Would a gentleman hang by his fingertips like that?

Steve