Steve Crook

Heard on The News Quiz on Radio 4 this evening when they were talking about the Italian scientist and his "research", hunting for the G spot

Sandi Toksvig asked what the difference was between the G spot and golf.
Fred MacAulay suggested a similarity, that it was trying to bang something tiny with a wood
Sandi laughed at that but said that the difference she was looking for was that (some, many) men would spend ages looking through the undergrowth for a golf ball

Steve

Dame Starry

What else COULD he hang by? Or have I missed something in my 32 years?

YDSL x.

Dame Starry

1stas

Lord Sebastian Coe is guest of honour at a grand ball in aid of the 2012 Olympics.
Anyway, he and his wife are having a wonderful time enjoying all the free food and drink, and at the end of the evening he is presented with a one-off present of three condoms; one gold, one silver and one bronze. He is over the moon, anyway he turns to his wife and says: I can't wait to get you home and try one of these condoms out - which one shall we use? She replies:
let's use the silver one, so he says why don't you want to use the gold? So she says: Well, it would be quite nice for you to come second for a change!

Dame Starry

WOMAN'S LOVE POEM
Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man, who's not a creep,
One who's handsome, smart and strong,
One who loves to listen long.
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he's gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,
Knows what to answer to "how big is my behind?"
I pray that this man will love me to no end,
And always be my very best friend.

MAN'S LOVE POEM
I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with
Huge boobs who owns a bar on a golf course,
And loves to send me fishing and hunting. This
Doesn't rhyme and I don't give a shit

David Brent

An Irishman, a Scotsman, an Eskimo, a priest, a bishop, a rabbi, a blonde, a brunette, a penguin, a duck and a donkey all walk in to a bar.
The barman looks at them all and says "Is this some kind of joke?"

Dave.

DB7

batman

I wish I had claws.

stevie boy

A psychiatry student got permission from the mental institution's administration to interview some patients for a paper he was writing.

On the first floor, he saw a woman swinging an imaginary golf club.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"I'm practising my swing," she replied. "I'm cured and when I get out next week I intend to become a pro golfer."

On the second floor, the student saw a man swinging an imaginary baseball bat.

"What are you doing?"he asked.

"I'm practicing my swing," the patient answered.. "I'm cured and when I get out next week I intend to become a professional baseball player."

The student thought he was getting a handle on things and that his paper would be a success ... until, that is, he got to the third floor.

There he found a naked man thrusting his member in and out of a jar of peanuts.

He asked, "What are you doing?"

"I'm never getting out of here," exclaimed the patient. "I'm f*¢king nuts!"

sippog

From Miles Kingston, master of the Franglais pun:

The French Navy has adopted a new motto. In English it reads "To the water. This is the hour." However it loses something in translation as you can see from the original French version: " A l'eau. Cest l'heure."

stevie boy

One day an old man went to the doctor for a checkup along with his wife.

The doctor tells the old man, “I need your urine sample, stool sample and a sperm sample for testing” The old man, being hard of hearing, looks at his wife and yells: “What?”
“What did the doctor say?”
What he want me to do?”

His wife yells back a bit loudly, “He needs your UNDERWEAR.”

stevie boy

HIS AND HERS DIARY.

WENDESDAY NOVEMBER 21ST

Hers: He was quiet, subdued,just not himself. Somethins was wrong, he hasn't kissed me all night. Not even looked in my direction. I think its another women. I went to bed and cried. he followed me up later. I cuddled upto him and striked his hair. He layed still.
Eventually we made love and fell asleep in each others arms.

HIS DIARY: ENGLAND LOST F****** GUTTED, GOT A SHAG THOUGH!

DB7

A wiki love-split:
Jimbo Wales dumps lover on Wikipedia | The Register

Steve Crook

I read it, or a fair chunk of it. I'm still waiting for the laugh

Steve

DB7

2:55 is my favourite, nerd love: