Laughs

[batman]

Originally Posted by Dame Starry You jumped in too quick, Bats - I moderated my post - and IT WAS YOU WHO EXPOSED IT!

There's no need to shout!

[Dame Starry]

Originally Posted by batman There's no need to shout!

I'm sorry - I got a bit excited!

I would like to aologise to Carmel for my small part in the premature exposure of the solution to her riddle - I did try to avert it.

DS x.

[batman]

Originally Posted by Dame Starry I'm sorry - I got a bit excited! I would like to aologise to Carmel for my small part in the premature exposure of the solution to her riddle - I did try to avert it. DS x.

Small part .... giving away the answer. How would you define a large part?

Perhaps you'd better not answer that!

Stable .... door .... horse .... bolted.

(but I think we got away with it!)

[Dame Starry]

Originally Posted by Dame Starry * **** ****! DS x.

I do apologise, I seem to have made a spelling mistake. That should have read: * ***** ****.

Sorry about that, everybody!

DS x.

[Carmel]

Thanks to someone with a big gob (mentioning no names) it is Surname. Bats got it first and Pm'ed me Yes Pm'ed me Dame Starry and got it very quickly too clever man.

[Dame Starry]

and..........Brought Forward for new viewers to solve:

Originally Posted by Carmel Solve this one answer will come later, try figuring it out. The pope has one and does not need it, Your dad has one but your mum uses it, Nuns dont need one, Arnold Swazanager has a big one and Micheal j Fox has a small one, What is it?

[lostintown]

Wouldn't be a surname, would it?

[Dame Starry]

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.....

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

I went to a bookstore and asked the sales woman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

What if there were no hypothetical questions?

If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

Is there another word for synonym?

Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"

What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

Why do they lock petrol station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?

If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road signs?

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

How is it possible to have a civil war?

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown, too?

If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have "S" in it?

Why are “haemorrhoids” called "haemorrhoids" instead of "assteroids"?

Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?


Why is there an expiry date on sour cream?

If you spin an oriental man in a circle three times does he become disoriented?

Can an atheist get insurance against acts of God?

[smiffy]

A Woman was in the dock charged with shoplifting .

She was found guilty,and upon passing sentence the Judge said " I notice you stole a tin of Peach slices , I intend to give you three months imprisonment for each slice " But before he could finish ,the womans husband stood up in the gallery and shouted " OI!! she pinched a tin of peas as well you know "

[batman]

"Once Upon A Tme In Peckham"

[Dame Starry]

Originally Posted by batman "Once Upon A Tme In Peckham"

The funny thing is - she was probably the most dangerous thing in Peckham at that moment...........

DS x.

[Carmel]

Local police are investigating a break in at the local kennels they are following a number of leads.

[Dame Starry]

A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "If I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink?" The bartender considers it, and then agrees. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues.

After the man finished his drink, he asked the bartender, "If I show you an even better trick, will you give me free drinks for the rest of the evening?" The bartender agrees, thinking that no trick could possibly be better than the first. The man reaches into another pocket and pulls out a small bullfrog, which begins to sing along with the rat's music.

While the man is enjoying his free drinks, a stranger confronts him and offers him £100,000 for the bullfrog. "Sorry," the man replies, "he's not for sale." The stranger increases the offer to £250,000 cash up front. "No," he insists, "he's not for sale." The stranger again increases the offer, this time to £500,000 cash. The man finally agrees, and turns the frog over to the stranger in exchange for the money.

"Are you insane?" the bartender demanded. "That frog could have been worth millions to you, and you let him go for a mere £500,000!"

"Don't worry about it." the man answered. "The frog was really nothing special - you see, the rat's a ventriloquist."

DS x.

[Carmel]

Whats twice in a moment
once in a minute but never happens in a hundred years?

another brain teaser

[Dame Starry]

Originally Posted by Carmel Whats twice in a moment once in a minute but never happens in a hundred years? another brain teaser

The letter M!

DS x.