DB7

I'm sure there's a very similar song lyric.

Chevyman

Jane and Arlene are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. Jane pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.

Arlene: What in the hell is that?

Jane: A condom This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.

Arlene: Where did you get it?

Jane: You can get them at any pharmacy.

The next day, Arlene hobbles herself into the local pharmacy and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.

The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what brand of condom she prefers.

'Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel.'

"One appears to have dropped one's monocle in the soufflee"

Why not visit the Festive Fayre section?

CaptainWaggett

This morning I have been amused by news reports that the police commissioner charged with reducing knife crime is one Alf Hitchcock

batman

Unite against knife crime, police chief Alf Hitchcock tells politicians

"Boom boom a baby .... Banham Zoo .... Banana pants! Hahahaha"

harryfielder

Hymie phones his tailor Morris...
Hymie..''Morris is that you''?
Morris..It is me, is that you Hymie, do you want me to make you another suit ''? ''
Hymie..'' No Morris, you've made my suits for over thirty years but I do want to thank you''
Morris..After thirty years you want to thank me.....For what ?''
Hymie.. I've just had mad sex with your 30 year old daughter and its the first thing you made that fits''

Aitch,

http://www.turnipnet.com/aitch/aitch/gallery.htm

DB7

Chevyman

Had an e-mail featuring that. Guess he should have been at school, or work, when he did it

"One appears to have dropped one's monocle in the soufflee"

Why not visit the Festive Fayre section?

Chevyman

40 Gypsies arrive at the Pearly Gates in their Transit vans and caravans.

St Peter goes into the gatehouse and phones up God, saying. 'I've got 40
travellers here. Can I let them in?'

God says 'We are over quota on Pikeys . Go out and tell them to choose
between them which are the 12 most worthy, and I will let just the dozen
in.'

Less than a minute later St Peter is on the phone to God again. 'They've
gone', he tells God.

'What?' says God, 'All 40 of them?'

'No, the gates'.

"One appears to have dropped one's monocle in the soufflee"

Why not visit the Festive Fayre section?

DB7

Chevyman

Absolutely brilliant

"One appears to have dropped one's monocle in the soufflee"

Why not visit the Festive Fayre section?

Chevyman

An older man approached an attractive younger woman at a shopping mall.

"Excuse me; I can't seem to find my wife. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?"

The woman, feeling a bit of compassion for the old fellow, said, "Of course, sir. Do you know where your wife might be?"

"I have no idea, but every time I talk to a woman with a figure like yours,she seems to appear out of nowhere."

"One appears to have dropped one's monocle in the soufflee"

Why not visit the Festive Fayre section?

penfold

Assuming it's genuine, that's an amputation...

Bit of a Bay Window, what??

Chevyman

With the bone work done. Just the arteries and veins to tie off and a flap to fashion

"One appears to have dropped one's monocle in the soufflee"

Why not visit the Festive Fayre section?

batman

BOOM BOOM!

"Boom boom a baby .... Banham Zoo .... Banana pants! Hahahaha"

Chevyman

I just love your ever-changing siggies ........... especially after you said where they come from

"One appears to have dropped one's monocle in the soufflee"

Why not visit the Festive Fayre section?