Gazza

Maybe it's just my strange sense of humour . . .

Chevyman

I'm just drying my eyes Gazza. Top stuff

"Well I said goodbye to Rosie Rook this morning"

Chevyman

Some teething trouble among the Eastern European Workers

"Well I said goodbye to Rosie Rook this morning"

Gazza

The Olympic stadium will never get built at that rate.

Steve Crook

Did she get through to the next round?

Steve

Chevyman

I'm sure the viewers will have seen to that..............calls cost £xxx; calls from mobiles may be much higher blah blah blah

"Well I said goodbye to Rosie Rook this morning"

Chevyman

A guy I used to work with moved up to Liverpool a couple of years ago. We've kept in touch ....texts, e-mails etc.

He phoned me last night to ask if I'd enjoyed the Liverpool Advent Calendar he sent me last Christmas.

I'd clean forgotten all about it.............I knew we hadn't thrown it out. So I told a white lie and thanked him saying that it was a lovely thought and that we'd enjoyed it.

Well, this morning I found it.

How can I tell him that when I removed the wrapper that all the windows were boarded up and someone had stolen all the chocolates?

"Well I said goodbye to Rosie Rook this morning"

DB7

Chevyman

1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear
bright until you hear them speak.

2. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

3. He, who laughs last, thinks slowest.

4. A day without sunshine is like, well, night.

5. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

6. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't..

7. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

8.. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting
something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

9. It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world
end-to-end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them.

10. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.



11. The things that come to those that wait, may be the things
left by those, who got there first.

12 Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish
and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.

13. Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.

14. The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in the dark.

15. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands
of twelve people, who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

"Well I said goodbye to Rosie Rook this morning"

Steve Crook

Corollary:
It's possible to make things idiot proof. The difficulty is in making them clever proof so that the person that thinks they know what they're doing can't get it wrong either

Steve

batman

Re: Murphy's Other Fifteen Laws

#16: Never use the phrase "It's quiet today" on a psychiatric ward.

Chevyman

Or an A&E department

"Well I said goodbye to Rosie Rook this morning"

David Brent

On hearing her grandfather had died, Jenny asked her grandma what happened.

"Well, he had a heart attack during sex" the grandmother replied.

Horrified, Jenny tells her grandmother that a man of 94 shouldn't have been having sex.

"Oh no!" said the grandmother. "We've had sex every Sunday morning. We do it in time with the church bells. In with the ding, out with the dongs."

The grandmother paused and pulled out a crumpled hanky.
"If it wasn't for that ice cream van, he'd still be alive."

Dave.

Chevyman

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?


Why do you have to 'put your two pennorth in'... but it's only a 'penny for your
thoughts'? Where's that extra penny going to?


Why does a round pizza come in a square box?


What disease did cured ham actually have?


How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good
idea to put wheels on luggage?


Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up every two hours?


If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?


Why are you IN a film, but you're ON TV?


Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to
look at things on the ground?


Why is 'bra' singular and 'pants' plural?


Why is there a "d" in Fridge but not in Refrigerator


Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carshare lane?


If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out
of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?


Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours?
They're both dogs!


If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what
is baby oil made from?


If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?


Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?





Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

"Well I said goodbye to Rosie Rook this morning"

batman