Steve Crook

I love the coach following on behind them.
And the lack of interest or surprise from the lady working at her desk

Steve

Chevyman

That coach really got me laughing

"One appears to have dropped one's monocle in the soufflee"

Why not visit the Festive Fayre section?

Chevyman

Police are warning all men who frequent clubs, parties and local pubs to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink from any woman.


Many females use a date rape drug on the market called "Beer."

The drug is found in liquid form and is available anywhere. It comes in bottles, cans, or from taps and in large "kegs". Beer is used by female sexual predators at parties and bars to persuade their male victims to go home and sleep with them. A woman needs only to get a guy to consume a few units of Beer and then simply ask him home for no strings attached sex.

Men are rendered helpless against this approach. After several beers, men will often succumb to the desires to sleep with horrific looking women to whom they would never normally be attracted.


After drinking beer, men often awaken with only hazy memories of exact ly what happened to them the night before, often with just a vague feeling that "something bad" occurred. At other times these unfortunate men are swindled out of their life's savings, in a familiar scam known as "a relationship."

In extreme cases, the female may even be shrewd enough to entrap the unsuspecting male into a longer term form of servitude and punishment referred to as "marriage." Men are much more susceptible to this scam after beer is administered and sex is offered by the predatory females.


Please! Forward this warning to every male you know. If you fall victim to this "Beer" scam and the women administering it, there are male support groups where you can discuss the details of your shocking encounter with similarly victimized men. For the support group nearest you, just look up "Golf Courses" in the phone book.

For a video to see how beer works click here:

http://www.brackenspub.com/beer.swf

"One appears to have dropped one's monocle in the soufflee"

Why not visit the Festive Fayre section?

sippog

Nice concept but the analogy is more than a little queasy . . .

Chevyman

Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road.
As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like a ride.
With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into the car.
Resuming the journey, Sally tried in vain to make a bit of small talk with the Navajo woman. The old woman just sat silently, looking intently at everything she saw, studying every little detail, until she noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Sally.
'What in bag?' asked the old woman.
Sally looked down at the brown bag and said, 'It's a bottle of wine. I got it for my husband.'
The Navajo woman was silent for another moment or two.
Then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, she said:
















'Good trade.'

"One appears to have dropped one's monocle in the soufflee"

Why not visit the Festive Fayre section?

Steve Crook

Also known as looking at someone through "beer goggles"

Steve

Chevyman

An elderly gent was invited to an old friends' home for dinner one evening.

He was impressed by the way his friend preceded every request to his wife with endearing terms such as: Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart,
Pumpkin, etc. The couple had been married almost 70 years and, clearly, they were still very much in love.

While his friends' wife was in the kitchen, the man leaned over and said to his
host, 'I think it's wonderful that, after all these years, you still call your
wife those loving pet names.' The old man hung his head. 'I have to tell
you the truth,' he said, 'Her name slipped my mind about 10 years ago and
I'm scared to death to ask her what it is!'

"One appears to have dropped one's monocle in the soufflee"

Why not visit the Festive Fayre section?

batman

CAPELLO STANDS BY TACTICS

This seemed like a better place for this headline than the footie thread!

"Boom boom a baby .... Banham Zoo .... Banana pants! Hahahaha"

Chevyman

The recycle bin might be more apt bats

Wait till they scream for him to resign and see how much money he cops

"One appears to have dropped one's monocle in the soufflee"

Why not visit the Festive Fayre section?

Chevyman

Botox and nose drops and needles for knitting,
Walkers and handrails and new dental fittings,
Bundles of magazines tied up in string,
These are a few of my favorite things.

Cadillacs and cataracts, hearing aids and glasses,
Polident and Fixodent and false teeth in glasses,
Pacemakers, golf carts and porches with swings,
These are a few of my favorite things.

When the pipes leak, When the bones creak,
When the knees go bad,
I simply remember my favorite things,
And then I don't feel so bad.

Hot tea and crumpets and corn pads for bunions,
No spicy hot food or food cooked with onions,
Bathrobes and heating pads and hot meals they bring,
These are a few of my favorite things.

Back pain, confused brains and no need for sinnin',
Thin bones and fractures and hair that is thinnin',
And we won't mention our short shrunken frames,
When we remember our favorite things.

When the joints ache, When the hips break,
When the eyes grow dim,
Then I remember the great life I've had,
And then I don't feel so bad.

"One appears to have dropped one's monocle in the soufflee"

Why not visit the Festive Fayre section?

batman

"Boom boom a baby .... Banham Zoo .... Banana pants! Hahahaha"

Chevyman

"One appears to have dropped one's monocle in the soufflee"

Why not visit the Festive Fayre section?

Chevyman

A young man, having split from his latest girlfriend, decided to
take a holiday. He booked himself on a cruise and proceeded to have the
time of his life, that is, until the ship sank.

He found himself on an island with no other people, no supplies,
nothing, only bananas and coconuts. After about four months, he is
lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to the shore.

In disbelief, he asks, 'Where did you come from? How did
you get here?'
She replies, 'I rowed from the other side of the island. I
landed here when my cruise ship sank.'

'Amazing,' he notes. 'You were really lucky to have a row boat wash up
with you.' 'Oh, this thing?' explains the woman. 'I made the boat out
of raw material I found on the island. The oars were whittled from gum
tree branches. I wove the bottom from palm branches, and the sides and stern
came from a Eucalyptus tree.'

'But, where did you get the tools?'

'Oh, that was no problem,' replied the woman. 'On the south side of the
island, a very unusual stratum of alluvial rock is exposed.

I found if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted
into ductile iron. I used that for tools and used the tools to make the
hardware.'

The man is stunned.

'Let's row over to my place,' she says. After a few minutes of rowing,
she docks the boat at a small wharf. As the man looks to shore, he
nearly falls off the boat. Before him is a stone walk leading to an
exquisite bungalow painted in blue and white.

While the woman ties up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope,
the man can only stare ahead, dumb struck. As they walk into the house,
she says casually, 'It's not much but I call it home. Sit down, please.
Would you like a drink?'

'No! No thank you,' he blurts out, still dazed, 'I can't take another
drop of coconut juice.' 'It's not coconut juice,' winks the woman. 'I
have a still. How would you like a Pina Colada?'

Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man accepts,
and they sit down on her couch to talk. After they have exchanged their
stories, the woman announces, 'I'm going to slip into something more
comfortable.
Would you like to take a shower and shave? There is a razor upstairs in
the bathroom cabinet.'

No longer questioning anything, the man goes into the bathroom. There,
in the cabinet, a razor made from a piece of tortoise bone. Two shells
honed to a hollow ground edge are fastened on to its end inside a
swivel mechanism.

'This woman is amazing,' he muses. 'What next?'


When he returns, she greets him wearing nothing but vines, strategically positioned, and smelling faintly of gardenias. She beckons for him to
sit down next to her.

'Tell me,' she begins suggestively, slithering closer to him, 'We've been out here for many months. You've been lonely. There's something I'm sure you really feel like doing right now, something you've been
longing for?' She stares into his eyes ....

He swallows excitedly and tears start to form in his eyes.....

'Bloody hell, don't tell me you've got Sky Sports?'

"One appears to have dropped one's monocle in the soufflee"

Why not visit the Festive Fayre section?

Chevyman

A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by.



He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie turns to him and says, ' Hey! Perfect timing.

You're just like Frank’



The passenger is a bit taken back: 'Sorry, who?'



The cabbie: 'Frank Feldman. He's a guy who just did everything right

all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like

that to Frank Feldman all the time.'



Passenger: 'Well, that sounds great but there are always a few clouds over everybody'



Cabbie: 'Not with Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the

tennis at Wimbledon. He could play golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone

and danced like a Broadway star - and you should have heard him play the piano. He

was just such an amazing guy.’



Passenger: 'Well he certainly sounds like he was something really special.’



Cabbie: 'There's more... He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody's

birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. Boy,

he could fix anything; plumbing, electrics, cars. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole

street blacks out. But Frank Feldman, he could do everything right, the man was gifted'



Passenger: 'Wow, some guy then.'



Cabbie: 'He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Me?, I

always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made a mistake. You know what else?

he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her

back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too.

He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake, ever. I’m telling you, no one could ever

measure up to Frank Feldman’



Passenger: 'He sounds like the most amazing man. How did you meet him?’



Cabbie: 'Well, I never actually met Frank, he died three years back -

But I married his bl**dy widow.'

"One appears to have dropped one's monocle in the soufflee"

Why not visit the Festive Fayre section?

Steve Crook

Steve