mysteriesofedgarwallace

I trust the unlucky chap wasn't the self-apponted forum Babe Magnet

Johnny English

I always thought there was a lot of in-breeding in France.

What do you call a Frenchman with half a brain?
Lucky!

DB7

Monty Python Lego Version

David Brent

I got this one from a Christmas cracker (not that you cannot guess.)

What do you call the ghost who haunts television chat shows?

Answer - Phantom of the Oprah.

Dave.

ShirlGirl

Did you hear the one about the blind dinosaur?



Idonthinkhesaurus.

DB7

Adults only.

Two old pensioners are taking a trip down memory lane by going back to the place where they first met.

Sitting at a café, the little old man says, "Remember the first time I met you over 50 years ago? We left this cafe, went round the corner behind the gas works, and I gave you one from behind."

"Why, yes, I remember it well, dear," replies the little old lady with a grin.

"Well, for old time's sake, let's go there again. and I'll give you one from behind."

The two pensioners pay their bill and leave the cafe. A young man sitting next to them has overheard the conversation and smiles to himself, thinking it would be quite amusing to see two old pensioners at it. He gets up and follows them. Sure enough, he sees the two pensioners near the gas works. The little old lady pulls off her knickers and lifts up her dress.

The old man pulls down his pants and grabs the lady's hips, and the little old lady reaches for the fence. Well, what follows is 40 minutes of the most athletic sex the man has ever seen. The little old man is banging away at the little old woman at a pace that can only be described as phenomenal. Limbs are flying everywhere, the movement is a blur, and they do not stop for a single second. Finally, they collapse and don't move for an hour.

Well, the man is stunned. Never in his life has he ever seen anything that equates to this -- not in the movies, not from his friends, not from his own experiences.

Reflecting on what he has just seen, he says to himself, "I have to know his secret. If only I could shag like that now, let alone in 50 years' time!"

The two old pensioners have by this time recovered and dressed themselves. Plucking up courage, the man approaches the pensioner.

He says, "Sir, in all my life I have never seen anybody shag like that, particularly at your age. What's your secret? Could you shag like that 50 years ago?"

The pensioner replies, "Son, 50 years ago, that fucking fence wasn't electrified."

mysteriesofedgarwallace

DC rather than AC; I presume.

DB7

I'm getting this in early because it made me chuckle.

Freddy

Not a joke but an ad lib.
On the train (steam, single compartments, think Titfield Thunderbolt) coming home I was joined by some office workers on a pub crawl. One of them said that he would like to get a flourescent jacket, put track official on it and walk the line between Port Erin and Douglas. One lad then mentioned that he should
do it at night as there are notices along the line saying trespassers will be prosecuted, £1000 fine
The walker's reply "Why, do they taken them in when it gets dark?"

Freddy

David Brent

Mother Superior calls all the nuns in the convent together for a special announcement.

"I must tell you all that there is a case of gonorrhea in the convent" she told them.

"Thank God for that" cried out an elderly nun from the back.
"I was getting tired of the chardonney".

Dave.

Jim

All right Shirl - who's that in you avatar?

Good morning boys.

David Brent

Gee, some members are a bit slow to catch on.
It's only THREE WEEKS to Christmas, so lets share a few laughs along the way.

What did the elephant say to the naked man?

"How do you pick up anything with that?"



Dave.

David Brent

Here's a joke that will have you laughing all Christmas and well into the New Year.

The England Cricket Team.



Dave.

DB7

DB7

Mary Poppins goes horror.
YouTube - Scary 'Mary Poppins' Trailer