Clerihews

[Joenoir]

James Blunt

It rhymes with grunt

For some a singer of class

For others a pain in the arse

[JamesM]

Sid James

Gambling games

His Carry On

Money Gone

[batman]

Roy Scherer known as Rock

Went a few times around the block

When ready to relax and take some tea

He enjoyed a bit of embroidery

[Windthrop]

Mark Eden

Got few films with the lead in.

He survived the Crimson Altar

Before his film career began to falter.

[batman]

George Nader

Was seen as an invader

His private life made them frown

So he was hustled out of town

[batman]

Veteran actress Collins, Joan

Does like a really good moan

When for money she was in need

She wrote nasty things about Maxwell Reed



Robert Shaw

Was good in Jaws

But he never got the bling

That was the Oscar he should won for The Sting



Christopher Lee

A tall man he

He really did look peculiar

When he was Count Dracula

[Windthrop]

Will Hay

Played the School Master manqu'e.

In reality his mind was of serious turn

For he discovered the white spot on Saturn.

[Joenoir]

Elizabeth Taylor

Her husbands did fail her

One thing’s for certain

She went for a Burton

[Steve Crook]

name='Joenoir']Elizabeth Taylor

Her husbands did fail her

One thing’s for certain

She went for a Burton

Liz went for a Burton - Twice



Back in the early days of the IMDb I tried to convince them to add an item of biographical trivia for Zsa Zsa Gabor - to say that it was rumoured that she was addicted to wedding cake!



They said that it gave them a good chuckle - but that they wouldn't add it



Steve

[batman]

Patrick Mower

An actor of power

Often wore a flak jacket

When playing Inspector Hackett



Ross Kemp

Looked a bit unkempt

When at war with the army

I think he's barmy



David Lean

Could be very mean

While making Great Expectations

He displayed many affectations

[Cooper S]

Carol Reed

Was a gent indeed.

And made us all quiver

With his use of a zither.

[Windthrop]

Arthur Askey

Always sang about a bumle bee.

But later in his career things got perverse

When he appeared in Rosie Dixon Night Nurse.

[batman]

Leslie Ash

Had sex that was flash

That she ended up in hospital ... gosh!

And came away with lots of dosh

[Joenoir]

Googie Withers

Developed shivers

And a bit of a fright

In the Dead of the Night

[batman]

Clive Owen

Had better keep growin'

If he wants the fans to be fond

Of the thought of him as Bond

[Cooper S]

Robert Hamer's

Name was famous

For concocting Coronets and Kind Hearts.

One part Price, Guiness eight parts.





Lew Grade

Thought he had it made

But success turned to panic

When he tried to Raise the Titanic





Peter Cushing

Was known for pushing

Vampires to their doom with garlic.

And for Daleks.





Zsa zsa Gabor

Husbands one, two, three and four,

Five, six and seven,

Eight and now nine. Not quite eleven.





Michael Caine

Had a lot to gain

By changing his name from Maurice Micklewhite

To something that for an actor was a little less useless.

[Windthrop]

Stanley Baker

Went too soon to meet his maker.

Though he received the invite

He never made it as a Knight.

[Windthrop]

David Niven

An Oscar he was given.

For a character in the repressive grip

Of the stiff upper lip.

[Dame Starry]

As Bats and Joenoir have written their own versions, I thought it was time that The Official Dame's version was posted:



With just a guitar

He has gone far

He's no numpty

Is My Dear Blunty



YDSL x.

[Joenoir]

Hazel Court

Class to Horror brought

Looked like a dream

But boy could she scream!