DB7

Most embarrassing sex scenes named

The stars of the worst sex scenes on film have been named and shamed in the latest issue of British movie magazine Empire.

The magazine surveyed hundreds of films to compile its list of Hollywood's most excruciating onscreen trysts. Madonna, Jennifer Lopez, Keanu Reeves and "the Queen of crap movie sex", Sharon Stone, feature in the top ten.

1. Showgirls: Vigorous swimming pool sex between Elizabeth Berkley and Kyle MacLachlan in Paul Verhoeven's Showgirls tops the list. Empire says, "It's supposed to be the best sex in the world but, as Berkley thrashes around in the water, it looks more like the first ten minutes of Jaws."

2. Damage: Taking the number two spot is this 1992 art-house film, starring Jeremy Irons and Juliette Binoche, in which Irons' character expresses his feelings by banging his lover's head on the floor.

3. Killing Me Softly: A sex scene between Heather Graham and Joseph Fiennes, which sees Fiennes' character use mountaineering ropes tied around a post to choke his lover, is described as "ridiculous in the extreme".

4. Body of Evidence: Madonna and Willem Dafoe star in this 1993 film, which shows the pop diva drip hot candle wax over the body of Dafoe. Empire shoots down the scene as a "sad, risible attempt to shock and titillate."

5. Crimes of Passion: Director Ken Russell's 1984 movie makes the list for the scenes featuring Kathleen Turner, a sportswear designer leading a double life as prostitute China Blue.

6. The Specialist: Sharon Stone and Sly Stallone make the list for The Specialist. "Playing femme fatale (Stone) May Munro, her swish hotel rumpy pumpy with CIA explosives expert Ray Quick (Stallone) is like watching a bad TV erotic thriller but with proper stars as they cavort from bed to shower to shower floor", writes the magazine.

7. Gigli: Former lovers Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez fail to heat up the screen in their fabulous flop Gigli. Empire says: "When chauvinistic mobster Larry Gigli (Ben) gets it on with lesbian assassin Ricki (Jen), the scene is cold corny and lame.

8. 40 Days and 40 Nights: The highly unlikely "sex" scene in this 2002 movie features Matt Sullivan (Josh Hartnett) giving Erica (Shannyn Sossamon) the thrill of her life by blowing a flower petal across her naked body.

9. Matrix Reloaded: Featuring Keanu Reeves and Carrie-Ann Moss, this "damp squib of a sex scene" shows Neo and Trinity getting busy during the intensity of an underground Zion rave.

10. The Stud: The swing scene in this 1978 film featuring Joan Collins and Oliver Tobias "might have given you nascent yearnings as a teen, but now it's as overblown and silly as David Hasselhoff," says Empire.

samkydd

How really silly. These are actors doing the deed as instructed by the director, so why "Name and Shame" actors and actresses personally? Some airheaded journo no doubt with as much brain power as a brontasaurus with Altzheimers who can't grasp the concept that actors play characters not themselves!

My most embarassing sex scene was on a supposedly deserted moonlit beach one hot August night with an Argentinian love goddess, and we had to freeze frame because some bloke came walking along the beach towards us. He only went and set up his fishing gear ten yards away for an all night session with his rod! Needless to say my session was curtailed and this dampened my ardour to some extent, and so we crawled away into the sand dunes like furtive turtles looking for somewhere to bury eggs!

"...the chairman of Littlewoods stores made a Keynote speech!"

Tony Pendrey

Ooooo errrrr missus !

Ah Yes, the Soviet Union. All them wheatfields and ballet in the evenings

Fran

You think that was embarassing, well me and this girl went to a party with this man and, no.......it's just too embarassing to talk about!

samkydd

Did it involve various sets of car keys and a hat?

"...the chairman of Littlewoods stores made a Keynote speech!"

WiseFilms

I nominate William H. Macy and Maria Bello in The Cooler. Suppose there are people out there who don't hate that movie as much as I do, or don't love Macy as much, that do not find anything wrong with it: I pity you. I've seen high school short films that are less immature about sex.
His wife, the excellent Felicity Huffman, also bared much, in the every-body's-forgotten-about-already Transamerica. Unlike the above mentioned film, I Wanted to like this one; it was impossible.