Top five deathbed regrets

[Maurice]

Daily Telegraph 31/01/2012

A former nurse who looked after dying patients has listed the five most common deathbed regrets.

They are the simple things in life, such as staying in touch with friends and being true to yourself. And for men a key regret was working too much.

Bronnie Ware, who worked in palliative care in Australia, cared for the dying in their homes for several years. She has now written a book, 'The Top Five Regrets of the Dying', based on her experiences.

She said: "People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality and some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected: denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance.

"When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would have done differently, common themes surfaced again and again."

The most common five were:
1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
"This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled," Ms Ware said.

2. I wish I hadn't worked so hard.
"This came from every male patient I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship."

3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.
"Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they...never became who they were truly capable of becoming."

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
"Often they would not truly realize the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down."

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
"This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realize until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits."

EDITORIAL COMMENT Je ne regrette rien

While Frank Sinatra had too few to mention and Edith Piaf had none, the rest of us are likely to face our Maker with a long list of regrets. According to a book written by a palliative care nurse, the most common ones include: working too hard, losing touch with friends and not allowing oneself to be happy (and perhaps not seeing the GP earlier).

Although not a new theme - few people on their deathbeds complain of their failure to secure a desk nearer the water cooler -it is a salutary reminder of what matters, and what is mere transient puff. If people really want to be happy, however, surely the secret is not to entertain any regrets at all, whatever you've been up to.

As Oscar Wilde wrote from jail: "To deny one's own experiences is to put a lie into the lips of one's own life."

PS. Thanks, Britmovie, for birthday greetings!

[GRAEME]

The elderly Sir John Betjeman was once asked if he had any regrets or wishes for things he hadn't done during his long life: he said he wished he'd had more sex!

[Moor Larkin]

Strange that the headline on the webpaper itself implies that No4 is No1.
Losing touch with friends most common deathbed regret - Telegraph

Presumably the Headline writer hadn't read the article..... not an uncommon regret .....

[faginsgirl]

I definately empathise with the first one. At times, I wish I could show my eccentricity by dressing like a female Quentin Crisp

[Arfur Teacake]

You see the kid going home from school, all the world on his/her shoulder, looking sad and worried (might be being bullied or behind with homework or something?). You want to tell him/her not too worry it will not matter to them in 5 years time everyone in his world would have moved on, but you know its all too real for him today and nothing you say today will ease that pain.

[ShirlGirl]

I definitely empathise with the first one. At times, I wish I could show my eccentricity by dressing like a female Quentin Crisp

NOW we know the REAL Faginsgirl!

[ayrshireman]

The elderly Sir John Betjeman was once asked if he had any regrets or wishes for things he hadn't done during his long life: he said he wished he'd had more sex!

LOL. Damned if I can remember the advert that he said that in.

[CaptainWaggett]

Come list' while I tell of a highwayman bold
His feats were remarkable, so I am told
He'd scrope all the ladies and wurdle the men
Then he'd jump on his nadger and ride off again


They caught him and hung him from old tyburn tree
and as the noose scroobled his ghurka quothe he
'If I had my time to live over again
I would wurdle the ladies and scrope all the men.

[jaycad]

I'm already full of regrets (1,3 & 5) so I dread to think of what I'll be like on one of those 'death bed' things.

[ShirlGirl]

Come list' while I tell of a highwayman bold
His feats were remarkable, so I am told
He'd scrope all the ladies and wurdle the men
Then he'd jump on his nadger and ride off again


They caught him and hung him from old tyburn tree
and as the noose scroobled his ghurka quothe he
'If I had my time to live over again
I would wurdle the ladies and scrope all the men.

Scrope? Wurdle? Nadger? Scrooble? Ghurka?



Never heard those words before.

[Steve Crook]

Scrope? Wurdle? Nadger? Scrooble? Ghurka?



Never heard those words before.

Kenneth Williams as Ramblin' Syd Rumpo

Steve

[ShirlGirl]

Kenneth Williams as Ramblin' Syd Rumpo

Steve

Is that supposed to help???

[CaptainWaggett]

Is that supposed to help???

I thought you lived in London during the 60s? Did you miss the best bit ?

[Steve Crook]

Is that supposed to help???

It's "nonsense verse", in the finest tradition of Lewis Carroll, Edward Lear, Spike Milligan and others. But Ramblin' Syd did it in a way that made it all sound very suggestive - but that could be broadcast to the nation without causing any real offence to anyone

Steve

[Windthrop]

Stanley Holloway, on his deathbed, said that his biggest regret was losing the Mr Kipling commercial to James Hayter.

Just shows that despite an incredible career losing one job was a crushing blow

[Ray]

I thought you lived in London during the 60s? Did you miss the best bit ?

One of my happiest memories from the 1960's is listening to Round the Horne every Sunday afternoonon on the BBC Light Programme.

Nearly 50 years later I am still laughing at Ramblin' Syd, Dame Celia Molestrangler, amd Jule and Sand on BBCiplayer.

They are still as funny as ever, and my big regret is that Kenneth Horne died far too young.

[judylou]

I think everyone on earth will have deathbed regrets, because living in any sort of society means conforming...be it forced or not. Unfortunately, if we all followed our inner dreams, there would be no structure, and we would all be back in the dark ages......maybe?

[judylou]

Have we had an answer to that yet?

Is that supposed to help???

[faginsgirl]

Kenneth Williams as Ramblin' Syd Rumpo

Steve

Athough he seemed to have MANY insecurities in real life, I do think if I lived life with Kenny`s persona, I would definately be a lot happier

[Freddy]

There is always Roger McGough

Let me die a youngman's death
not a clean and inbetween
the sheets holywater death
not a famous-last-words
peaceful out of breath death