bad day at work

[teddygiles]

This arrived in my inbox at work after another rotten day at work.

Bad day at work???


This is even funnier when you realize it's real! Next time you have a

bad day at work, think of this guy. Rob is a commercial saturation

diver for Global Divers in Louisiana. He performs underwater repairs

on offshore drilling rigs. Below is an E-mail he sent to his sister.

She then sent it to a radio station in Ft. Wayne, Indiana, who was

sponsoring a worst job experience contest.

Needless to say, she won.


Hi Sue,

Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother. Last week I had a bad day at the office.

I know you've been feeling down lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it's not so bad after all.

Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job.

As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office. It's a wetsuit. This time of year the water is quite cool.

So what we do to keep warm is this:

We have a diesel-powered industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks the water out of the sea, heats it to a delightful temperature, then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose which is taped to the air hose.

Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and I've used it several times with no complaints.

What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the hose and stuff it down the back of my wetsuit. This floods my whole suit with warm water. It's like working in a Jacuzzi. Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my bum started to itch.

So, of course, I scratched it.

This only made things worse.

Within a few seconds my bum started to burn! I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done.

In agony I realized what had happened. The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my

suit.

Now, since I don't have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn't stick to it. However, the crack of my bum was not as fortunate.

When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into the crack of my bum.

I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator.

His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with five other divers, were all laughing hysterically.

Needless to say I aborted the dive.

I was instructed to make three agonizing in-water decompression stops totalling thirty-five minutes before I could reach the surface to begin my chamber dry decompression. When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet.

As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my bum as soon as I got in the chamber.


The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't poo for two days because my bum was swollen shut.

So, next time you're having a bad day at work, think about how much worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your ar*e.


Now repeat to yourself, I love my job, I love my job, I love my job.

Remember whenever you have a bad day, ask yourself, is this a jellyfish bad day?


May you NEVER have a jellyfish bad day!!!!!

[Cypher]

It is fun to see some of the better urban legends re-cycled; this one (The Wetsuit Diver) has been around for about nine years! Perhaps of greater interest to the Britmovie community are the many and various legends relating to films; see for example Urban Legends Reference Pages: Movies, or possibly Urban Legends in Movies. Perhaps someone could tell us whether there is any list of legends/mysteries specifically concerning British films?

Chris W

[christoph404]

The wet suit story sounds gruesome. Why would all his colleaugues and the medics be laughing about it? Because anything to do with the "bum" is funny? In a real situation like that which is life threatening, professional divers and medics would not be laughing, having a jelly fish inside your wet suit sounds dangerous to me.......a diverting urban legend for sure!...

[Steve Crook]

Originally Posted by drchriswoodcock It is fun to see some of the better urban legends re-cycled; this one (The Wetsuit Diver) has been around for about nine years! Perhaps of greater interest to the Britmovie community are the many and various legends relating to films; see for example Urban Legends Reference Pages: Movies, or possibly Urban Legends in Movies. Perhaps someone could tell us whether there is any list of legends/mysteries specifically concerning British films? Chris W

Not films, but I know one mystery concerning British television.
Why do people think Ricky Gervais is funny and clever?

Steve

[Cypher]

Originally Posted by Steve Crook Not films, but I know one mystery concerning British television. Why do people think Ricky Gervais is funny and clever? Steve

Now there's a good question; we could start a whole new thread on the subject of "What is Comedy?" Is there a difference between being witty/clever and being silly? Why is it that so many comedians, who could be genuinely funny, seem to feel the need to rely upon lavatorial and sex-related material? At what point does cheeky naughtiness become unacceptable nastiness? And so on... and on! (And all these questions apply as much to films, TV and advertisements as to stand-up comics!)

Chris W

[David Brent]

Originally Posted by Steve Crook Not films, but I know one mystery concerning British television. Why do people think Ricky Gervais is funny and clever? Steve

Or, why has "The Last Of The Summer Wine" television series lasted so long?

Dave.

[Wolfgang]

Does anyone watch Urban Legends on Channel 5? They dramatise three stories, 2 urban legends and one real one and you have to guess which one is real.

Last night you got to choose between:
1) Schoolboy who put pencils up his nose and rammed his head into table thereby projecting pencils through his brain.
2) Woman on cruise ship who flushed toilet on cruise ship while sat on it which had been fitted with industrial vacuum pump which then sucked her intestines out of her.
3) Bridegroom who was smothered to death on his stag night by lapdancer with huge tits.

Anyone care to guess?

[batman]

#3.

Bats.

[christoph404]

Originally Posted by batman #3. Bats.

.......... very good....

[teddygiles]

If I ever die, but I refuse to even consider this, that is the way I want to go.

Ted

[Wolfgang]

I can tell you are all dying to know, it is in fact #2.

[David Brent]

Originally Posted by Wolfgang I can tell you are all dying to know, it is in fact #2.

Tell me it ain't so bro' !!!!

Dave.

[francesgumm]

Originally Posted by Steve Crook Not films, but I know one mystery concerning British television. Why do people think Ricky Gervais is funny and clever? Steve

Add to that Alan Carr, Jack Dee & Graham Norton. Cant stand 'em.

[Wolfgang]

There you go Dave:

The Straight Dope: Did a vacuum-flush commode once suck a woman's insides out?

I pinned my hopes on #3 too.

[Steve Crook]

Originally Posted by Wolfgang There you go Dave: The Straight Dope: Did a vacuum-flush commode once suck a woman's insides out? I pinned my hopes on #3 too.

It sounds remarkably similar to the one at Snopes Urban Legends about the woman who was stuck onto a toilet seta in an aeroplane.

That one was shown to be an urban myth.

I note that the Straight Dope page doesn't actually give any citable references. It mentions the article in the Journal of the American Medical Association. I wonder what would be found if anyone actually looked that up?

Steve