julian_craster

From The Sunday Times
December 30, 2007

Spurned festive gifts pour onto eBay
by Daniel Foggo and Anna Mikhailova

THE art of pretending to like an unwanted Christmas gift has had its day. Those disappointed with their presents are casting their manners aside and disposing of them over the internet.
On the fifth day of Christmas, festive good cheer was evidently wearing thin as bartering web-sites such as eBay were doing a brisk trade in rejected gifts - some still in their wrapping.
One woman, who had decided to take advantage of eBay’s cut-price service, was offering up a plaque inscribed “Desperately seeking chocolate, please give generously” which had been given to her for Christmas, with the words: “What can I say about this?! Perhaps the person who gave me it should have just bought me the b****y chocolate!”
Another seller was attempting to get rid of an unopened present from his father. Next to a description of the item he wrote: “Xmas is done, and Santa has gone and left behind this unwanted gift! Want to open it? I don’t! . . . I have had a lot of presents this year and would much rather the cash . . . Knowing my father it will not have been cheap . . .”

Someone had bid £41 for the pleasure of finding out the truth about the mystery gift.
Among the avarice there was also pathos and regret. Two tickets to see the Spice Girls at one of their reunion concerts were going for £92 because the owner had been laid low by “a recent foot operation”.
Elsewhere a father was auctioning off a high-tech mobile phone for £180. He bought it for his son for Christmas, he explained, but it had now been pronounced “too complicated”.
One seller, potentially a recruit to one of the more ascetic religions, was auctioning off what must have amounted to her entire haul of presents. The 16 items, offered as a job lot, were labelled: “Unwanted Christmas presents in need of a new home.”
Some sellers were entirely lacking in sentimentality. A girl auctioning a necklace said simply: “This was made for me for Christmas by a friend but really isn’t me.”
Another was seeking to dispose of a helicopter trip around the country because “I don’t like flying”.
Other vendors evidently wanted to make a profit out of throwing out the rubbish. Among the less coveted items on sale, such as a toy from a Christmas cracker and a broken compass, were two unnoticed presents which had been found in the aftermath of the unwrapping frenzy.
“Found behind the Xmas tree when I decided to clean up today,” noted the seller. “This is a pot luck lucky dip. I do not have poor friends so the gifts should be good.”


Brand is bestseller
THE autobiography of Russell Brand, the reformed drug addict notorious for his sexual exploits, almost failed to appear after a series of missed deadlines. Now, after his publisher installed him in a hotel to finish it, he has won the Christmas bestseller race.
In the fortnight to December 22, Brand’s memoirs, My Booky Wook, sold 203,000 copies.
Brand, who rejected a ghostwriter provided by his publisher, has sold 400,000 since the launch in mid-November, according to figures compiled by BookScan. He beat Nigella Express, a television tie-in book by Nigella Lawson, into second place over Christmas.

Rob Compton

I'm afraid I find the last item, about the Christmas "bestseller" a truly depressing statement on Britain today

batman

The title sums up the literary knowledge of the targeted reader I expect.

Bats.

"Boom boom a baby .... Banham Zoo .... Banana pants! Hahahaha"