Average Age Of Forum Members

[smudge]

And onwards -

They were the fags of choice for JASON KING !

(Why isn't there a SMOKING Smilie when u want one...?)

SMUDGE

[smudge]

That'll do !

(Cilla mode) Ta, Chuck !

SMUDGE

[samkydd]

(arty-dave @ Jan 2 2006, 05:21 PM) The purple one was my favourite - I wonder if they still make them?

I sincerely hope they don't still make them. I left half a lung sliding down the wall of the bike shed at school after coughing myself dizzy trying to smoke one of those things! It was worse than trying to inhale a burning peat bog!

[Fellwanderer]

(samkydd @ Jan 2 2006, 07:34 PM) I sincerely hope they don't still make them. I left half a lung sliding down the wall of the bike shed at school after coughing myself dizzy trying to smoke one of those things! It was worse than trying to inhale a burning peat bog!

Well, that'll certainly explain your pallor rather better than trying to pretend it is a JC mask!

FELL

[samkydd]

(Fellwanderer @ Jan 2 2006, 07:38 PM) Well, that'll certainly explain your pallor rather better than trying to pretend it is a JC mask! FELL

No it's me. We have a lot of rich folk in these parts and every time I see one of them drive by in a Bentley Continental coupe I just go green with envy, then carry on with my skip scavenging looking for firewood and bits of discarded food for the kids! At night I wander the streets looking for chavs to beat up and film with my camera 'phone!

But to be honest I'm in the local neighbourhood watch, or neighbourhood Rolex as the posh neighbours prefer to call it, and I'm second in command of their Death Squad, hence the uniform and mask. We catch burglars and steal all their money before hurling them over the cliff tops to make it look like suicide! With boy racers we stop their cars and remove the keys and put them down the nearest drain, then steal their tax disc if they have one, and then notify the police that there's an untaxed car abandoned in the neighbourhood, before happy slapping the driver and his pals senseless ! It's a highly effective scheme and we've had a 100% success rate so far!

It's necessary because the police don't come this way very often, the nearest chip shop being about two miles away so we rarely see them!

[Fran]

(samkydd @ Jan 2 2006, 07:44 PM) But to be honest I'm in the local neighbourhood watch, or neighbourhood Rolex as the posh neighbours prefer to call it, and I'm second in command of their Death Squad, hence the uniform and mask. We catch burglars and steal all their money before hurling them over the cliff tops to make it look like suicide! With boy racers we stop their cars and remove the keys and put them down the nearest drain, then steal their tax disc if they have one, and then notify the police that there's an untaxed car abandoned in the neighbourhood, before happy slapping the driver and his pals senseless ! It's a highly effective scheme and we've had a 100% success rate so far!

I wish we had a neighbourhood Death Squad. Luckily I used to do martial arts a few years ago and when two youths tried jostling me a couple of weeks ago in a multi-storey car park, I grabbed one of them and had his arm up his back until he squealed like a piglet and his brave mate ran off! I pushed the one I had on the ground and kicked him as hard as I could in the stomach with my pointed high heeled boot, and he cried his eyes out! Needless to say I didn't report it in case I was arrested because they were only in their mid-teens, and being an adult woman I was undoubtedly guilty of assault!

[samkydd]

(Fran @ Jan 2 2006, 08:37 PM) I wish we had a neighbourhood Death Squad. Luckily I used to do martial arts a few years ago and when two youths tried jostling me a couple of weeks ago in a multi-storey car park, I grabbed one of them and had his arm up his back until he squealed like a piglet and his brave mate ran off! I pushed the one I had on the ground and kicked him as hard as I could in the stomach with my pointed high heeled boot, and he cried his eyes out! Needless to say I didn't report it in case I was arrested because they were only in their mid-teens, and being an adult woman I was undoubtedly guilty of assault!

Quite right you shouldn't be allowed to do things like that! You might accidently knock some sense into them, and we can't have the government's I Don't Care in the Community policy undermined can we? You should show more respect to junior citizens!

[Ambrosia]

I was born a year before the release of Ben Hur and Liz Taylor and Paul Newman could have been my parents, this year, always wanted to be a star in a movie.

[Ambrosia]

Try again.

[Ambrosia]

Not that old then.

[nellybly]

On 9-9-1999 I hit the half century mark.

According to news reports the banks were supposed to go somewhat bonkers in anticipation of Y2K but my bank let me have my money from an ATM at the local shopping mall (I was living in Missouri at the time so maybe nobody cared, either LOL).

[4737carlin]

Im 32 but i look alot younger

[samkydd]

(samkydd @ Aug 28 2005, 06:41 PM) I'm as old as the Hills. That's Mr and Mrs Hill of 23 Youthful Approach, Bournemouth. Born in 1961 I stopped celebrating birthdays at 38, and luckily my own hair and real teeth backup my lies, but whenever I decide to trip the light fantastic at the local nightclub, or dance hall as we used to call them, as soon as I get to the entrance the bouncers let me in free thinking I'm there to pick up my daughter! I'd like to think I could pick up someone else's daughter, but alas, I get the divorced ageing tobacco leaf fake tanned mob making a beeline for me, with so much bleach in their hair you could use their heads to sterilise your toilet bowl, cellulite visible through their black tights and stretch marks on their lips, the wrinkled eyes heavy with blue eye shadow and the darkness of desperation! It may have been sexy for a woman to blow smoke into a bloke's face if you were a 1940s Lauren Bacall, but in 2005 it isn't. Especially if it's a badly rolled Old Holborn roll up and the plume of smoke is reinforced with bits of soggy saliva soaked tobacco strands hitting you in the face, followed by the smoker coughing her lungs out into her Bacardi and Coke! As I prop up the trendy bar, sticky with the spills of alcopop, tobacco garnished saliva, and lung tissue and filthy with overflowing ashtrays, with my half a Guiness ("D'you want ice and a slice with that?") at three quid a time which tastes like autopsy stomach contents, I stand there with an expression of total bewilderment at the sight of so many tattoed young females with naked white beer guts hanging down like market traders' coin bags! Overflowing the elasticated waistbands of their greasy British Rail blue tracksuit bottoms, and with so many piercings and studs in their flesh they look like victims of an air rifle firing squad! They move around the dance floor with all the grace of a herd of hippos jostling for position in the smallest watering hole in Africa, their McDonalds fed fat heads looking like a child's drawing of a face on a over inflated white balloon . So I pick up my white jacket, tuck my medallion in and do up the buttons on my red silk shirt with the floppy collar, retrieve my car keys from one of the the turn-ups on my Oxford Bags trousers with the skinny white belt and make my way hastily to the car park where my red Capri with the Starsky and Hutch white stripe down each side is eagerly waiting! So getting older makes me opt for the local pub quiz instead, or stay in to watch a rerun of Grumpy Old Men!

Absolutely true, last night I was chatted up by a wobbly beer gutted, pierced, tattoed, sweaty tracksuit bottom wearing, lard arse, Jade Goodyesque anaemic maggot of a twenty something girl, and remembering this post I just couldn't help laughing! I tried to contain my mirth so as not to cause her any embarassment, but to quote a line from Kind Hearts and Coronets (yesterday's free DVD) "Our fellow guests were Lady Redpole and her daughter Maud who most suitably resembled nothing so much as a Redpole cow, and had little more conversational ability!"

Luckily a mate of mine came in the pub and rescued me from her clutches! She seemed a bit miffed that her feminine (?) charms hadn't worked on a forty something bloke, but ye gods, it was frightening! Quick where's my flat cap, cribbage board and dominoes!

[samkydd]

She was probably overwhelmed by the size of your hump

She definitely got the 'ump! Probably because I wouldn't buy her a bottle of alcopop and ten bags of crisps!

[samkydd]

Probably Pansy Potter the Showman's Daughter!