The James Bond Story

[wellendcanons]

My name is BOND. JAMES BOND. I'm presently in between assignments, though MISS MONEYPENNY has informed me that M is having crisis talks about having her gender reassignment reassigned again! So I think I'll steer clear of that one!

Magda is coming over from the east today after writing to me and signing her note FROM RUSSIA WITH LOVE. We arranged to meet discreetly at the CASINO ROYALE. She arrived with a headache which she apparantly has had for the last few days and so we booked straight into a room so she could rest. I told her if it's no better soon she should let the DR NO.

After a couple of hours she was feeling much more like herself and I could tell by that look in her GOLDENEYE that she was feeling very naughty. At first I thought I should resist and then decided why not just LIVE AND LET DIE? As we were undressing Magda said; "FOR YOUR EYES ONLY darling." Just then there was such a THUNDERBALL outside our room that it scared THE LIVING DAYLIGHTS out of us.

Suddenly, three men burst into the room and THE MAN WITH THE GOLDEN GUN stepped forward. "You're under arrest for fraternizing with a Russian agent", he said. I assured him I hadn't laid one GOLDFINGER on her OCTOPUSSY! The other two men grabbed Magda and as I watched THE SPY WHO LOVED ME being dragged out of the room I knew that these men had A VIEW TO A KILL in mind.

As I was led away at gunpoint I reflected that I had fallen in love with Magda. She isn't like the others and THE WORLD IS NOT ENOUGH without her. TOMORROW NEVER DIES, but today we just might! And this is my second life too and as we all know YOU ONLY LIVE TWICE. Perhaps after all this I just might DIE ANOTHER DAY!

[didi-5]

Bored, were we?

[wellendcanons]

So I shan't post the Hitchcock one then........

wec

[will.15]

The TROUBLE WITH HARRY is he was a PSYCHO who threw rocks with a FRENZY at THE BIRDS from his REAR WINDOW.

[Rowdon]

So I shan't post the Hitchcock one then........

wec

Oh come on, wec. NEVER SAY NEVER AGAIN. If it's a QUANTUM OF SOLACE, I quite liked it.

[wellendcanons]

The TROUBLE WITH HARRY is he was a PSYCHO who threw rocks with a FRENZY at THE BIRDS from his REAR WINDOW.

wec

[wellendcanons]

Oh come on, wec. NEVER SAY NEVER AGAIN. If it's a QUANTUM OF SOLACE, I quite liked it.

Cheers Rowdon. I just wanted to do something nice and lighthearted for a change.

wec

[wellendcanons]

Hitchcock's Tale

I asked my wife MARY if she fancied a short holiday as I could feel another trip to ELSTREE CALLING. M, as I called her wanted to take THE LODGER. I protested and pleaded with her not to take him with us. THE TROUBLE WITH HARRY is that he never leaves us alone. She agreed as long as I promised not to eye up THE BIRDS. I assured her I wouldn't do that and insisted she had THE WRONG MAN. Of course she had to bring her mother and sister into the conversation to throw further SUSPICION on me and study me to find out if I had that I CONFESS look in my eyes. Honestly, it's like some FAMILY PLOT to discredit me. Even her father acts like THE MAN WHO KNEW TOO MUCH. They seem to think if I have enough ROPE I'll hang myself! I'm sure they want to SABOTAGE our marriage.

So we said BON VOYAGE to our home town and headed NORTH BY NORTHWEST to our destination. We travelled in silence like we were STRANGERS ON A TRAIN. Just then MARNIE walked into our compartment and I had a severe case of STAGE FRIGHT. She smiled at me. I knew if M recognized her there would be MURDER! I closed my eyes and prayed THE LADY VANISHES. She had gone when I opened them but M was staring at me blankly. I wondered if she realized she's the one who M saw me with through the office party REAR WINDOW last Christmas. We were only having a quick peck! M would never call her by name after that and referred to her as THE PARADINE CASE. At the time she went into a FRENZY, screaming and throwing things at me. That night I was terrified that I had married a PSYCHO. And they say you should ALWAYS TELL YOUR WIFE everything! The journey passed without further incident.

We arrived at the JAMAICA INN Hotel. We climbed THE THIRTY NINE STEPS up to the hotel and checked in as MR & MRS SMITH. Whilst at reception I glanced around to see REBECCA looking straight towards me. She looked as stunning as ever. I was SPELLBOUND. Thankfully M didn't know the history of My passionate nights UNDER CAPRICORN with her. M and I checked into our room. We were in NUMBER SEVENTEEN. I ordered us some CHAMPAGNE and while M was unpacking I went for a shower. It was only while I was under the spray of water I just happened to glance out of the full screen window. I hadn't realized how high up we were. I had an attack of VERTIGO and collapsed.

I came around in Hospital. I asked the doctor if I had caused any damage. Only a TORN CURTAIN was his reply. He said the hotel was NOTORIUS for these kind of accidents being so high up. He then added, "Luckilly our nurse staying at the hotel was on hand to help." I followed the doctor's gaze to the nurse standing beside him. "REBECCA!"

wec

[Briant]

Well done wec! For some reason I read the Hitchcock one hearing the voice of James Mason in my head!

[Rowdon]

Well done wec! For some reason I read the Hitchcock one hearing the voice of James Mason in my head!

That works perfectly - you can hear his slightly supercilious, cynical tone as he says "The journey passed without further incident.".
And while we're here ... I came across this website while looking for a suit. All the Bondery you could wish to own, can now be yours.

Bond Lifestyle - Clothing - Goldfinger Three-Piece Suit Replica

[will.15]

It doesn't look the same without Sean Connery in it. Where do they sell Pussy Galore undies?

[JamesM]

The TROUBLE WITH HARRY is he was a PSYCHO who threw rocks with a FRENZY at THE BIRDS from his REAR WINDOW.

The TROUBLE WITH HARRY is he was a NOTORIOUS PSYCHO who threw rocks with a FRENZY at THE BIRDS through a TORN CURTAIN from his REAR WINDOW at NUMBER SEVENTEEN from a height that would give you VERTIGO.

[will.15]

I think we got a game going on here. Don't tell management.

[wellendcanons]

Hey! This is catching on.

wec