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  • #91
    A man goes to the doctor complaining of his hearing.
    "What are the symptons" ? asked the Doctor
    "They're a comedy family on TV" the man replied !

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  • #92
    Termite goes into a gay bar and asks "Is the bar tender?"

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    • #93
      A true review from amazon.co.uk of Film Noir Collection.

      1 star because: "It's in black and white, why?"
      Last edited by agutterfan; 10th October 2018, 02:47 PM.

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      • #94
        Originally posted by agutterfan View Post
        A true review from amazon.co.uk of Film Noir Collection.

        1 star because: "It's in black and white, why?"
        Click image for larger version

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        Apparantly not a francophone

        Steve


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        • #95

          Why I Like Retirement
          Question: How many days in a week?
          Answer: 6 Saturdays, 1 Sunday

          Question: When is a retiree's bedtime?
          Answer: Two hours after he/she falls asleep on the couch.

          Question: Why don't retirees mind being called Seniors?
          Answer: The term comes with a 10% discount.

          Question: Among retirees, what is considered formal attire?
          Answer: Tied shoes.

          Question: What is the common term for someone who enjoys work and refuses to retire?
          Answer: NUTS!

          Question: Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement, attic or garage?
          Answer: They know that as soon as they do, one of their adult kids will want to store stuff there.

          Question: What do retirees call a long lunch?
          Answer: Normal .

          Question: What is the best way to describe retirement?
          Answer: The never ending Coffee Break.

          Question: What's the biggest advantage of going back to school as a retiree?
          Answer: If you cut classes, no one calls your parents.

          Question: Why does a retiree often say he doesn't miss work, but misses the people he used to work with?
          Answer: He is too polite to tell the whole truth.

          And, my very favorite....
          QUESTION: What do you do all week?
          Answer: Monday through Friday, NOTHING..... Saturday & Sunday, I rest.

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          • #96
            My wife and I are both retirees, we do weight training every day

            I say "where's my dinner"

            She says "wait" !!

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            • #97
              Q. Men, what is the difference between free sex and sex you have to pay for?
              A. Free sex costs more...

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              • #98

                A man wants to get married. He is having trouble choosing among three girlfriends. He gives each girl a present of £5,000 and waits to see what they do with the money.

                The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new makeup, buys several new outfits, and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.

                The man is impressed.

                The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.

                Again, the man is impressed.

                The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his £5,000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.

                Obviously, the man is impressed.

                The man thinks for a long time about what each girl had done with the money he'd given her.

                Then he marries the one with the biggest tits.


                Men are like that, you know.

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                • #99
                  A man and his girlfriend are driving to a restaurant. The girlfriend says, "Honey, do you realize that today is our six-month anniversary?"

                  The man goes silent. The girlfriend asks, "Honey, what are you thinking? That, after six months, you love me more than ever?"

                  He replies, "No, I was thinking that it's time for an oil change."

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                  • Originally posted by Shirley Brahms View Post
                    A man wants to get married. He is having trouble choosing among three girlfriends. He gives each girl a present of £5,000 and waits to see what they do with the money.

                    The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new makeup, buys several new outfits, and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.

                    The man is impressed.

                    The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.

                    Again, the man is impressed.

                    The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his £5,000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.

                    Obviously, the man is impressed.

                    The man thinks for a long time about what each girl had done with the money he'd given her.

                    Then he marries the one with the biggest tits.


                    Men are like that, you know.
                    AYPI?

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                    • Originally posted by zabadak View Post

                      AYPI?
                      The answer is already there in the last line.

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                      • An Irishman bought himself a pair of tortoiseshell shoes.
                        It took him four hours to walk out of the shop!

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                          • Originally posted by wadsy View Post
                            An Irishman bought himself a pair of tortoiseshell shoes.
                            It took him four hours to walk out of the shop!
                            Why does this have to be an Irishman?

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                            • Originally posted by Paxton Milk View Post

                              Why does this have to be an Irishman?
                              I suppose it doesn't but it was the way it was told to me!

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